My DVR is Working Hard

If you were thinking about sending me an E-vite to go clubbing with you on a weeknight some time this fall, I'm gonna have to RSVP "No". Not because I have a newborn baby--he loves to dance--but because I have a lot of TV to watch. The DVR is just for emergencies, or for when two shows air at the same time. If you're thinking that you don't have time to watch all of the shows I'm listing below because you're too busy with your "career" or your "social life" or your "yoga class" or your "book club", you're in luck, because after I view all the premieres airing this week I'll let you know which ones to delete from your DVR series recordings. I'm good like that.

Disclaimer: Check your local listings for broadcast times. What, do I have to do everything?

Sunday

Boardwalk Empire - 8:00 on HBO

Think of it as a Sopranos prequel's prequel. It stars Steve Buscemi, is directed by Martin Scorcese, and is created by Terence Winter. Buscemi is boss in prohibition-era Atlantic City. I'm pretty fired up about this one. TV hasn't been the same since we lost The Sopranos.

Monday

Dancing with the Stars - 7:00 on ABC

I could not be more excited about this new cast, which includes Baywatch alum and resident boozehound David Hasselhoff, Jersey Shore housemate Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, former NFL quarterback Kurt Warner, former singer Michael Bolton, famewhore Bristol Palin, former actress Jennifer Grey, Brady Bunch star Florence Henderson, former Hills star Audrina Patridge, former LA Laker Rick Fox, terrible driver/ sister of sex tape star, Ray J singer Brandy, comedian Margaret Cho and actor Kyle Massey.

Will the Hoff perform drunk and eat cheeseburgers off the dance floor? Will The Situation give Audrina VD? Will Audrina finally find her happiness? Will Michael Bolton and Jennifer Grey bond over the way his haircut and her nose job rendered them unrecognizable and therefore irrelevant? Will I find out who Kyle Massey is and what makes him a star? I look forward to learning the answers to these questions and more.

Team Margaret! Whoop whoop!

House - 7:00 on FOX

In the beginning, I watched it weekly. Once they introduced all those new fellowship candidates who House addressed not by their names, but by assigned numbers, I lost interest. I figured hey, if House doesn't even want to bother to know who these people are, why should I? What's on NBC? Then I rediscovered House in syndication and was reminded why I fell in love with the show in the first place. I've decided to give it another chance and find out if it's jumped the shark. Hugh Laurie was nominated for an Emmy (again) so I figure it's worth an hour of my time to find out.

Tuesday

Glee - 7:00 on FOX

It looks like a cheesy kids show, but if you give it two or three episodes, you're sure to join the Gleeks. It's snappy, shiny, infectious fun. If you want to know more, there are boo-coos of other places on the internet to bow in worship of Glee. I have a lot more ground to cover in this post. Moving on...

Biggest Loser - 7:00 on NBC

I love watching these people overcome challenges as much as I love the weekly weigh-ins and the competitive nature of the show; however, with it's bloated two-hour running time, the show needs to cut the fat as much as the contestants do. I will record it and watch it back later, fast forwarding through commercials, the product endorsements thinly disguised as a nutrition lesson, and Jillian's motivational speeches.

Raising Hope - 8:00 on FOX

From the creator of My Name is Earl comes a comedy about a 23-year-old man who attempts to raise the infant daughter he fathered with a one-night stand after his baby mama is sent to jail. What could be more fun? With the help of his mother, played by Martha Plimpton (where have you been, girlfriend?!) I'm sure this tale won't end with a visit from the Department of Family Services. Still not sure about this show? It also features Cloris Leachman and Bijou Phillips. Giddyup!

Running Wilde - 8:30 on FOX

Running Wilde stars national treasures Will Arnett, Keri Russell, and David Cross. These people belong on TV, so this show has to succeed. It just has to. It comes from the creator of Arrested Development and is a story about...well, I'll let FOX tell you. They put it best:

"...a filthy-rich, immature playboy trying desperately to win (or buy) the heart of his childhood sweetheart, the uber-liberal humanitarian who got away - all told through the perspective of a 12-year-old girl."

Fingers crossed for this one.

Parenthood - 9:00 on NBC

I love the 1990 film on which this show is loosely based. When this small-screen adaptation joined the lineup as a mid-season replacement last year I tried to watch it, but it was just "meh" for me. If casting directors had chosen Peter Facinelli to play Dax Shepard's role, perhaps I'd feel differently. Nothing against Dax (my friend has a dog named Dax, who I lovingly call "Daxy Waxy") but Facinelli is like butter--he just makes everything better. Maybe the show takes itself a little too seriously for my liking; it was too melodramatic, a little sappy and perhaps over-acted, but my friend Sarah Beth over at Happywatching promises it's the best show I'm not watching. I'm going to trust her and give it another shot.

Wednesday

Better With You - 7:30 on ABC

It's another family sitcom, but it has a terrific cast, including Debra Jo Rupp (That 70s Show), Joanna Cassidy (Privileged) and Jennifer Finnigan (Crossing Jordan). Seriously, you had me at "Debra Jo Rupp".

Boy, am I glad Jennifer Finnigan is back on television. I sure did have a case of the sads when her character died on Crossing Jordan. Oops! I should have warned "Spoiler Alert" for those of you renting Crossing Jordan on DVD through Netflix. Please forgive.

Modern Family - 8:00 on ABC

Cameron: "It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn't like to walk. Sidenote: We're very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase."

It won the Emmy for Best Comedy for a reason, y'all.

Law & Order: SVU - 8:00 on NBC

It would be my sincere wish to spend a day on the set of Law & Order: SVU. Mariska and I would take turns brushing each other's hair and we would giggle about how cute Chris Meloni is. Richard Belzer would give me tips on stand-up comedy (should the situation ever arise) and Ice-T would give me much-needed lessons on how to be cool. Wouldn't that be a great day? Yeah, it's never gonna happen, so I'll settle for watching the team investigate sexually-based offenses.

Cougar Town - 8:30 on ABC

What this sitcom lacks in a decent title, it makes up for with a terrific cast turning out terrific comedic performances of terrific material. This show is just terrific! Seriously, I think Bill Lawrence (creator of Scrubs) had a funny idea for a show title and then in the course of developing the show they diverted down a different path. A better path. This show has little to do with being a cougar, but it's super funny. Terrific, even.

Law & Order: Los Angeles - 9:00 on NBC

Well, something has to fill the hole in my heart left by the unceremonious cancellation of Law & Order. Twenty years, and you can't even give us a proper series finale? Hogwash. I'll give you one episode of this spin-off to redeem yourself, Law & Order franchise.

Thursday

My Generation - 7:00 on ABC

1. It's documentary style
2. It's takes place in Austin, Texas
3. It follows a group of high school seniors in 2000 (my graduating class) and revisits them ten years later.

So yeah, this should be relatable. I mean, look at the picture. All social stereotypes are represented. I should be able to see myself in one of these characters. I'm definitely the cheerleader--not the one in the photo, of course--I'm that cheerleader's lovable sidekick who doesn't get much play and who the boys don't notice [whomp whomp].

Grey's Anatomy - 8:00 on ABC

I declared this show jumped the shark when:

1. Izzie refused to get out of bed with her dead boyfriend (while wearing a prom dress, natch)
2. When he leaves her millions of dollars in his will, she posts the check on the refrigerator like it's a party invitation and avoids it like it's anthrax. Hey, Izzie: it's called "coping skills". Get some!

Fast forward a few years, and this stay-at-home mom, facing a shortage of good daytime television, has begun watching reruns on Lifetime. And...I'm hooked. I have been catching back up on the plot points, partner swapping (oh, the partner swapping), and dramatic events Seattle Grace has experienced since I pulled the plug and called time-of-death on my viewership of this show.

The Office - 8:00 on NBC

The perennial favorite kicks of the Michael Scott Farewell Tour with the seventh season premiere. Bring back Holly Flax!
Outsourced - 8:30 on NBC

When we learn to laugh at our cultural differences, that's when we'll realize we're not so different after all. Damn, that's deep, Samantha! This is a new comedy about culture clash in an India customer service call center. It's sure to be a hit. Oh, and let's give it up for the Indians finally getting some representation! I'm a white girl, and even I can't help but notice that network television is way too white.

Noticably absent from the fall lineup: Parks and Recreation. They're on hiatus while Amy Poehler is on maternity leave. I anxiously await its return!