Sunday, September 19, 2010

Keeping up with the Litigations

I've often considered filing an injunction against Ryan Seacrest Productions to put a halt to the excessive broadcasting of Kardashian-related programming on the E! network, as well as filing a civil suit against Ryan for abusing his power at the network by self-indulgently promoting his own agenda. I would be willing to settle out of court if E! promised to return to the programming of the 1990's, which mainly consisted of E! True Hollywood Story and re-runs of Melrose Place. Of course, there would be a clause stating that Jules Asner and Steve Kmetko need not return to their E! News hosting gig. The giant orange exclamation point that decorated the set only served to punctuate my disdain for the pair.
Oh, and I would stipulate that it has to be vintage True Hollywood Stories, the truly intriguing and compelling ones, like Rebecca Schaeffer and Dominique Dunne. No more of this Kristin Cavallari, Eva Longoria, Kelly Ripa crap. Having an IMDB page or a Wikipedia entry does not earn you an E! True Hollywood Story, it should be reserved for detailing untimely deaths and murders committed by crazy stalkers.

Well, as I just said, I've considered taking legal action, but somebody else has actually done it.

D.J. Goodson III, otherwise known as "Inmate GW1171" is suing the sisters Kardashian for "extreme emotional distress" for being subjected to hours of Keeping up with the Kardashians and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and having to witness "their outrageousness of actions". He is asking for $75,000 in damages. He should amend the filing to include an additional cause of action for "excessive misuse of the letter "K".

Goodson is serving 27 months in a medium security Pennsylvania prison after pleading guilty to wire fraud. A Virgo, he just celebrated his 36th birthday, is African American and stands tall at 5'6. Yeah, I know my way around a prison inmate locator search engine. I'm just that weird. Then again, I had to wonder what kind of person was weird enough to think of filing a lawsuit. I admire his pluck and tenacity, and I share his sentiments, but here I just change the channel like a chump. It never occured to me that there was money to be made and justice to be sought. It turns out that our Mr. Goodson is a very litigious fellow. I found a number of cases filed by Goodson, mostly relating to his prisoner civil rights. 

I have just one question, though: why do the inmates of the Pennsylvania State Prison System have more cable channels than I had when I was in the hospital? I didn't have E! at the hospital. Sick people (who are paying for their health care and not breaking laws) should have a wider television programming selection than inmates (who broke laws and whose cable is paid for by taxpayers). I'm just sayin'.

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