Stillwell Angel

Remember "Stillwell Angel" from A League of their Own?

That little boy who behaved like a complete monster unless he was granted his beloved chocolate bars? Well, I have a "Stillwell Angel" on my hands, but instead of demanding chocolate bars...he demands my cell phone.

He won't accept any substitutes. It has to be my phone. And it's gotten to the point where I can't pull my phone out in his presence unless I'm willing to surrender it to him. I like to use the calculator on my phone to tabulate the cost of my groceries as I'm shopping. Not anymore. Robinson will confiscate it. Heaven help me if I actually need to talk on the phone while he's playing with it. He once came unglued while I was trying to talk to Steve, screaming so loudly I couldn't hear Steve, and I hissed at Robinson, "I do not negotiate with terrorists!" I'm taken by surprise by this turn of events. I know it's too early for the Terrible Two's (if eleven months isn't too early for the Terrible Two's, that's a very inaccurate characterization).

"Give me muh phone!"

What's a mom to do with a child who is feisty and opinionated; outspoken, yet inarticulate; and bent on global domination? Oh, and too smart to be fooled by slight of hand or other attempts at distraction. If I try to be sly and stuff the phone between two couch cushions for instance, he knows it's there. And he doesn't forget. When my little angel morphs into this feisty, furious creature, he is known as "Stewie Griffin". If Steve calls to check on us and I announce that "We have a Code: Stewie", he knows what that means--can't talk now, pick up dinner on the way home. And don't forget the booze.

Another thing, since it's hot, and he's a ragamuffin, I've taken to dressing him in those Huggies diapers that look like blue jeans, and nothing else. It's pretty cute. Then, this morning, I went into his room to greet him. I guess I kept him waiting for too long (while I was making his breakfast), because he had thrown his stuffed animals out of the crib, stripped off his diaper, and tossed the diaper out of the crib. He. Was. Pissed.

The Curse of the Sambino

Yesterday, we took Robinson to his very first baseball game, Rangers vs. Angels. Steve won four tickets and a parking pass in a silent auction to raise money for Meals on Wheels. We invited Scott and his little boy Holt, who turns three tomorrow. Happy Birthday, Holt!

On the way to the game, I sat in the backseat with the boys. Robinson was fascinated with Holt and couldn't take his eyes off of him. Holt was really sweet with him and would smile at him and show him his book about trucks. Holt is really into transportation right now. As we are driving to the stadium we pass a lot of road construction, and Holt would excitedly point and shout, "Truck!" "Train!" "Tractor!" and "BIGGGG TRAC-TORRR!" It was hilarious seeing how excited he was. It reminded me of Jarred when he was a little boy. He loved pointing out and identifying all the different types of construction equipment we would pass on the road. It's really sweet how even though times change, these little boys stay the same. I also learned that everything that isn't a truck or a train, is a tractor. Bulldozers, cranes, doesn't matter. When you're three, they're all tractors.

Watching a baseball game with little boys is so different than sitting with a bunch of adults. Holt gets so excited seeing the "tractors" on the baseball field, and the mascot riding around in the "tractor". It's fun getting to be silly and excited with him and point out things to Holt, like "Look at the tractor!"

Robinson sat in my lap during the game. He kept fake-coughing loudly and making obnoxious fart noises for so long, the elderly lady seated in front of me turned around to see just who was sitting behind her. She laughed when she realized it was a baby.

Robinson was in pretty good spirits, especially considering how close it was to his bedtime. We did one feeding and one diaper change while we were there, and this was my first adventure in changing diapers in a public restroom. I think it went pretty smoothly. What complicated matters was that I too was in need of a bathroom break, but being loaded down with an infant and a diaper bag made this impossible. So I had to carry Rob all the way back to our seats and give him to Steve so that I could return for a solo trip to the bathroom.

Back in the bathroom by myself, I'm washing my hands at one of the six sinks. As I walk towards the wall of seven paper towel dispensers, I discover what the woman directly in front of me has already found: only one dispenser has paper towels, and for reasons unknown, an old lady is standing directly in front of it, preventing anyone from reaching around to take paper towels for themselves. She doesn't seem to realize that there are other people in the bathroom. Why is she bogarting the paper towels? What in the hell is taking her so long? She's not drying her hands anymore...she's using the paper towels to polish an apple. Who brings an apple to the ball park? Who meticulously polishes apples in the ladies' restroom? Now she's carefully wrapping the apple in a paper towel. Now she's wrapping it in a second paper towel. Now she's wrapping it in a third paper towel. It's not a large apple. The woman and I are forced to just stand there while our hands are dripping with water. I'm about to just give up and dry my hands on my jeans. But I'm curious. Did she bring the apple from home? Why does it need such polishing? Is she about to eat the apple? If so, why does she have to wrap it up in three paper towels? What is she trying to protect the apple from? Is the apple for Snow White? These are the questions that run through my mind. She is sure she has secured the apple in her purse before walking away, still never acknowledging us. I totally bust the woman in front of me making bitchface at the old lady. Shannen Doherty just got a royalty check, thankyouverymuch. I'm amused.

Rob lasted until the bottom of the sixth inning. I consider that a huge success. Of course, in the grand tradition of Samantha attending Dallas sporting events, the Rangers lost. I'm ten for ten at this point. I'm like some kind of victory assassin. So now we refer to this phenomenon as "The Curse of the Sambino"

Because I'm Boring-Ass Boring: A Post About Baby Bibs

The other day while I was on the phone with Kristen discussing baby bibs (as you do), my longtime pal, trusted advisor, and experienced mother of three (three under three I might add), notified me that I simply must purchase a wipeable (Google confirms "wipeable" is a word) bib for feeding solid foods to Robinson. 

The next day, I took young Rob to Buy Buy Baby, and among our purchases was a bib. Man, are these bibs ugly! I found a couple I liked though. We know how indecisive I am. So how was I to choose between these two bibs?

 I personally was leaning towards the lion, so I enthusiastically showed Robinson this bib first:

And then he looked at me like this...

Is it just me, or does he not look amused? Not wanting too read to much into the facial expressions of an infant, I showed him this bib next, with the same enthusiasm as with the lion bib:

Now I'm holding a bib in each hand, so he can look at both bibs at the same time. He looks back at the lion bib, then he looks at the dog bib, and while still staring at the dog bib, he makes this face:

So the dog bib is the winner. And he still smiles when he looks at it. I thought this was so sweet, I immediately called my mom to tell her about it. It sounds so insignificant, but this was the very first time Robinson has indicated a preference for something. That's a big deal! By the way, Kristen was right (is she ever wrong?) about the wipeable bib. You must have one.

I Said "Yay!" Out Loud When I Read This

My interest in celebrity gossip was sliced in half after the birth of my son. Kinda like the way my abdomen was sliced in half in order to rip the nearly ten-pound baby from my womb.

I'll give you a moment to allow that image to sink in.

Did I ever tell you that the nurse anesthetist present during the birth of my son somehow managed to swipe my brother's camera and, despite our urging that she not photograph the events that transpired, she painstakingly documented the cesarean delivery in photographs? The camera was later returned to my brother nonchalantly with no hint as to content of the images now stored in his camera's memory card. I got a phone call about a week later from my traumatized brother, "Geez, Samantha. That was graphic. You should have warned me." File that under "Things that can't be unseen."

Anyway, back to the point of this post. I no longer follow celebrity gossip with the same enthusiasm, but I do scan Cele|Bitchy almost daily to stay abreast of current pop culture events. Two stories that broke yesterday actually made me say "Yay!" out loud, so I thought I would share them with you. A Happy Friday, indeed!

Tina Fey is having a baby! Yay!

Tina Fey is expecting her second child with husband of ten years Jeff Richmond. She is currently five months along. Tina and Jeff have a five-year-old daughter named Alice.

Tina made the big announcement while taping a segment with Oprah to promote her new book, Bossypants.

I'm a big admirer of Tina Fey. I think she's wicked smart and funny and am happy to see women like her succeed in Hollywood (and anywhere else for that matter). At 40 years old, I'm happy for her to be nearly halfway through what I hope is a healthy and easy pregnancy.

I'm super excited about her new book, Bossypants. The cover of the book makes me laugh out loud every time I see it. I think I'll pick up a copy from my local book store, and save it to read out loud to my pal Baker when we are in Florida this summer for the annual girls' beach trip. The last time we were all together, I was reading Chelsea Handler's memoir, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. Baker and I took turns reading chapters aloud to each other and we were laughing so loudly that our sides began to hurt and the sunbathers nearby asked what we were reading so they could go buy a copy. Here we are basking in the sunshine and the laughter:

Mariska Hargitay adopted a baby girl! Yay!

I think Mariska Hargitay is a classy lady. She has a precious family and seems like a loving and devoted mother. She and her husband Peter Hermann adopted an American baby girl and named her Amaya Josephine. She announced the news to People magazine. I lifted this quote from Cele|Bitchy, via People:

“We were considering both international and domestic adoption and we’re thrilled that this is the way our prayers were answered,” she adds. “We talked a lot about mixed-race adoptions, and we are very excited that we are now a multi-racial family. We’re just so happy she’s here.”

And there’s one family member who’s more excited than anyone: Hargitay’s 4-year-old son, August.

“He is over the moon,” says the actress. “He calls her his baby because he says the whole thing was his idea. He always talks about how he’s going to protect her. He’s going to be a great big brother.”

How sweet is that? Have a great weekend, everybody!

Two Mutts and a Baby

Thanks to my monthly "Robinson and Laney" photo session, history will remember Laney and Robinson as best buddies. This is the untold story.

Libby thinks she is Robinson's nanny. She sits nearby and watches over him as he plays. She gamely allows him to tug her hair and pat her on the head. If Robinson spits up, Libby is cleaning him up faster than I am. It's gross. If he cries, she gives him kisses to comfort him. When that doesn't work, she finds me, to make sure I'm doing something about it.

Libby is either on the run from the law, or she's embarrassed to be seen with a baby, because she refuses to allow her photo to be taken with Robinson. I'm determined to capture at least one image of Robinson and Libby playing together for his baby book. She's making my job tough.

Libby just told Robinson a funny joke

He's laughing hysterically, but she's gone in an instant

 

Playing together

Guarding him to ensure his safety at all times

 They were playing until she saw the camera. She quickly moved to distance herself.

Libby just gave Robinson kisses 

Laney's attitude towards Robinson is...different. Laney is eight. She's been treated like a person her entire life. She's smart enough to recognize that Robinson's arrival has bumped her down a notch in the family pecking order. And what's so great about a stinky ol' baby anyway?

Laney cooperates with this monthly photo session for two reasons: 1. She enjoys having her picture taken. 2. She loves attention. She has come to resent her role as photo prop, but she begrudgingly complies.

Laney feels the same way about Robinson that The Office's Michael Scott feels about Toby Flenderson.

I'm sitting on the couch beside Laney, with Robinson in my lap. He reaches out and begins patting Laney's head and tugging her hair. She glares at him. I'm working to free her ear fur from his tightly clenched baby fists. He does it again. She grumbles. Rob waves his hand in the air. She takes his hand in her mouth and just holds it there. She looks me in the eye as if to say "Do you see what I could do to him?" Duly noted. I banish her from the couch and give her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. I've learned through the years that Laney views being shunned as the worst punishment.

A couple days later, I'm sitting in the floor with Robinson and Libby. We're all playing together, and I'm praising Libby and giving her hugs for being so sweet to Robinson. Laney is watching us from across the room, seething. She gets up, walks over to us, sits up straight and tall with her head held high, and then--with as much affection as she can muster--she gently rests one paw on top of Robinson's head. Then she looks at me. It's as if Laney is saying to me (in Janeane Garofalo's emotionless monotone voice):

"Boy, I tell you what. I've never considered myself a 'baby' person, but with one as adorable as little Robert here, I can't help but love him. It must melt your heart to witness this tender moment between a boy and his dog. I bet it makes you want to cook me an omelet. Maybe take me for a walk."

Robinson's First Playdate

Steve and I took Robinson to his first playdate the other day--with an adorable ten-month-old little boy named Grayson. Robinson and Grayson don't go to daycare, so they don't regularly have the opportunity to socialize and play with babies their age. I want Robinson to make friends, and at 7.5 months old, I felt that he's reached an age where he is more interactive and likes to play, so it's a good time to start placing Rob in social situations. Grayson is 2.5 months older than Rob, which for babies is a pretty big age gap. At the time of this playdate, Rob was days away from crawling, and Gray was days away from walking. Gray has lots of fun toys in his living room that he sweetly shared with Rob, and all but the most basic of toys were too advanced for Rob. It was still cute to see the boys interact with one another, and all the parents considered the playdate a success. We're already discussing plans for our next playdate, so that Robinson and Grayson see each other often enough to remember each other and become real friends.

In Need of Some Photography Expertise

I got a brand new Nikon Coolpix S8100 for Christmas, and have been having a good time developing my skills and learning the camera's features. I have been having some difficulty, which I am more inclined to believe is the result of human error rather than any shortcomings from the camera. I have learned in researching cameras that there is a whole language to photography, and I don't speak it.

The Nikon Coolpix S8100 is a point-and-shoot camera that says it boasts a lot of features available on a DSLR, but without the expense, the equipment, or the need of a skilled photographer. I am an amateur with no aspirations of doing anything more than taking the best possible pictures of my family. I do not expect my photos to be of the same quality of a DSLR or for my photography skills to even come close to such results. Just wanna put that out there so that the photographers and photography buffs who I am desperately seeking guidance from will not be insulted thinking I'm trying to create photos as beautiful as theirs with a point-and-shoot. Not the case.

In case this information is helpful, the Nikon has a 10x optical zoom, and allows me to select features such as: night landscape, night portrait, backlighting, indoor/party, and auto mode. I have been experimenting with the different features, with varied results. I promise to be brief, but if ANYBODY has a suggestion, I would be so grateful. If you know what it's like to try and capture an adorable moment with a baby, only to have the picture turn out poorly and the moment is now over, you understand my frustration.

This is what I would consider to be a "good" picture. At least, good for me. I use the Night Landscape option, I think it makes a nice warm glow in the picture. The downside is that if the subject is in motion, the image will be blurry. If you look closely, you'll notice that the image on Robinson's shirt is slightly blurred because he isn't perfectly still. This is a big problem with babies, not being still.

 This is what I get when I use Night Landscape and my subject(s) are in motion.

 Night Portrait is surprisingly worse, given its name.

I believe this is Auto Mode or Indoor/Party, without the flash. The camera features a flashing red light that flickers before taking the picture. It's to prevent red-eye, but I call it the "smile killer", as this was supposed to be a moment capturing Robinson's adorable smile. Until the red light flickered and he made this face. I imagine as he gets older, this will be less of a problem. Another thing I don't understand: clearly, this is a series of photos taken at the same time, with the same external factors. So why is one picture so much blurrier than the other? I may have chosen a different feature, like Subject Tracking, in the second photo.

 I try to use the optical zoom, rather than holding the camera closer to the subjects, but sometimes it's still overexposed. Sometimes, a bright flash in a baby's face is a bad thing.

This photo was either Subject Tracking or Auto Mode (if it's important to know which, I can take more pictures, but honestly they all turn out this way.) There must be some kind of shutter speed setting that I can adjust in the camera so that this won't happen.

I purposefully chose a high-end point and shoot so I could take beautiful pictures without needing to make a big investment. Now, I'm having to take 40 blurry, over-exposed pictures in order to get one good picture. I know I'm doing something wrong here, and I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Help me!

Robinson is 7 Months Old!

It is common practice among new mothers to photograph their child each month, seated in a chair with a stuffed animal as a frame of reference to show how their little angel has grown and changed. Not to be outdone, I photograph Robinson in a chair with a real animal. Laney and Robinson really hit it out of the park with their six month photo, so I had high hopes for yesterday's photo shoot. It should be noted that I took over 40 pictures of them before selecting this winner, which happened to be the third snap. I have to say--this was not the look I was going for--but Rob and Laney give good face, don't they? The way they are casually draped over the furniture, seemingly oblivious to one another, and looking totally indifferent, it reminds one of a Vanity Fair cover, or a Kardsashian Kristmas Kard:

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it.

So, Robinson is seven months old. This is an interesting time in a baby's life, because a number of major milestones are on the horizon. Robinson could very well hit any of these milestones today. Or in three months. It would appear that Robinson has filed for an extension on achieving these milestones. Hey, if you can get an extension on filing your tax return, why can't Rob get an extension on crawling? It's like he knows that as soon as he can move freely through the house, Mama's gonna put a Dirt Devil in his chubby little hands and ask him to pitch in with the housework. I kid. Here's a rundown:

Sitting
Robinson demonstrates that he is fully capable of sitting upright without assistance, but nobody ever told him. Last week, it occurred to me that maybe I should tell him that he can sit up. It's literally the very least I could do. So, I propped him up in a seated position and handed him his plastic car keys. He was so delighted and distracted by this shiny colorful object (he takes after his mama), that he actually held this upright seated position for several seconds. I was cheering for him and offering positive reinforcement (isn't that what you mothers do?) That's when he realized he was sitting up by himself and he began to panic. I asked him, "Rob, you're sitting up. Has this idea ever crossed your mind?" It's a valid question. Hell, for all I know, he's drifting off to sleep every night in his little baby bed, where he dreams little baby dreams of sitting up by himself...if only he could figure out how. That's where I come in. Robinson's eyes are screaming. He tips over, and cries. Shake it off, buddy. We'll try again in a week or two.


This is Robinson sitting for a brief, though glorious moment

 Crawling
I'm often asked whether or not Robinson is crawling yet. It seems a little early for that. The short answer is "No". But there is no such thing as a short answer when talking about your baby, haven't you figured that out yet? We always have to describe things, qualify our statements, defend and explain. I'm always asked the follow-up question: "But he's scooting, right?" I have no idea what "scooting" is, but I sort of figured that I'd know it when I see it. Robinson rolls. He shimmies. He slithers. He rotates. He travels.


This is Robinson not crawling.

Teething

The poor little guy is miserable. And he has no use for teething rings, despite my encouragement. Libby finds them delightful, though. Tylenol and Baby Orajel help ease his suffering, and I know we'll all feel some relief when those little teeth cut through.

Mallory the Monkey

Family Guy's Stewie has Rupert, and Robinson has Mallory the Monkey.

She's more exotic than the traditional teddy bear--she's a red monkey dressed as a hula dancer. What could be more fun? She's more than a basic stuffed animal. She jiggles when you yank her cord (giggity) and she holds in her hands a pineapple that rattles and a fish that jingles. Robinson is especially fond of the pineapple. Every time I look at him in his car seat or stroller when he's by himself with the Monkey, he's always clutching the pineapple. Always the pineapple. Here are some outtakes from the Seven Month photo shoot, where I gave up on getting a smile and tossed the Monkey onto the chair beside him.



"Would you care for a pineapple?"



"You wouldn't? What a shame. Whatever shall I do with the pineapple?"



Om nom nom nom nom



My Little Boy is Six Months Old!

Robinson's Six Month Stats:

Length: 28" (97th percentile)

Weight: 18 lbs (50-75th percentile)

My little boy is long and lean! His check-up went very well. What's Robinson into these days? He loves his bouncy seat, jumperoo and walker. He rolls very well but shows no indication of crawling. I can tell he is capable of sitting up unassisted, but the thought has not yet occurred to him, so I have to prop him up or set him in his Bumbo. Supporting the weight of his giant pumpkin probably seems like a daunting task to him.

He hates every type of cereal I've tried to feed him, despite all my efforts to find the perfect temperature, consistency, and mixture with baby food. He does, however, enjoy baby food by itself. Sweet potatoes and bananas are a big hit right now. After two months of gentle coaxing to try and get him to eat solids (which was met with much protest by Rob), when he finally did open up and eat a spoonful of sweet potatoes for the first time I was so overwhelmed with pride that I had to excuse myself to another room for a moment. I didn't want him to see me cry. How pitiful is that?

Robinson is very happy in his crib. He loves his mobile, and is happy every night when I put him to bed. He sleeps through the night and wakes up with a smile on his face. Plucking him out of his crib first thing in the morning is the best part of my day!

The dogs are still doing really well with him.  The sight of the dogs makes Robinson smile and laugh. He likes to reach out and grab their fur, and the girls are very good with him. I sure hope that continues.

Up next: baby-proofing the house and making more of an effort to organize playdates. To sign up for mommy and baby classes or not, that is the question...

Everybody Loves A Christmas Baby!

Remember my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days? Surely it seems I've all but abandoned it, but I haven't. Just turns out that I've all but abandoned writing about it. I will work to remedy that situation over the next few weeks. 

I'll start with one of my favorite items on my list, which I fulfilled happily on Thursday, December 9, 2010: Be Present at a Birth.

My friend Amy gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy named Hudson Scott, and I must say, he's an absolute doll!

Here's Amy's sister, a very proud Aunt Angie:

If Angie were a branch on my family tree, she would adopt a "clever" moniker to use in place of "Aunt Angie". She'd call herself "Auntgie". I'm not joking.

We're so thrilled Baby Hudson has finally arrived! I expect in the future we'll see lots of pictures of Rob and Hudson on the blog, as they will be best buds. I've been really looking forward to this! Know what else I've been looking forward to? Sushi and cocktails with my ol' pal Amy. We've been pregnant for a year! Time to let the good times roll!

Robinson's Four Month Checkup: By the Numbers

Robinson's four month check-up today went really well. Dr. N. said his development is "excellent". Here are his stats, which Steve called three times during the appointment to hear:

weight: 15 lbs 5 oz (50-75th percentile)

height: 26.5" (95-97th percentile)

head: 17" (75-90th percentile)

Dr. N. says it's time to introduce our little nugget to some solid food! Something tells me that our little Robinson is going to like it very much.

This picture was taken after Robinson got two shots. I was very proud of my boy for being such a trouper. From the sounds of the screaming and wailing echoing down the hall, I know that other mothers don't have it so easy. I could tell some parents had more than one child getting shots at the same time. I suppose it's best to get everything taken care of at once, but consoling two or three little kids at the same time would be no bueno.

When Men and Women Meet Baby

When it comes to babies, everybody has something to say. I've had the opportunity to spend time with my baby while in the company of a large group of women (i.e. at a baby shower), as well as with a large group of men (i.e. a golf tournament cocktail party). I couldn't help but notice the differences in how men and women interact with a new baby and that baby's parents:


Greetings, Baby!
Women: Women can be divided into two groups: those who are comfortable with babies, and those who aren't. Women who aren't used to being around babies will generally smile and wave at the baby, unsure of baby etiquette and protocol and whether it's ok to reach out and touch somebody else's baby without expressed permission. Prior to becoming a mom, that was my category. Women who are accustomed to being around babies will snatch your baby up and hold him, rock him, feed him, hug him, kiss him, and give him a new nickname.

Men: Unless this man is somehow related to the baby, he will usually adhere to the "look but don't touch" philosophy, with one exception: a man is 100 times more likely to attempt to high-five an infant.

Look at the Baby!
Women: A group of women will "ooh" and "ahh" over the baby, ask the mother "Who do you think he looks like?" and then they'll all take turns pointing out each of the baby's facial features and announcing whether they think they resemble the baby's mom or dad.

Men: They take one quick look at the baby, laugh, and loudly say, "Well, it's a good thing he takes after his mama!" Then they slap the dad on the back and wink at the mom. They also point out physical features of the baby (long legs, frying pan hands, etc) and comment on how those features will serve him well at whatever sport those features are well-suited for.

Baby Advice
Women: Women will quiz the parent regarding baby care topics pertinent to baby's age or whatever milestones baby should be reaching ("How many hours is he sleeping?" "Is he getting enough tummy time?"). The women listen carefully to your answer, and if they think you may be lagging in some area or in need of help, they will begin doling out helpful suggestions.

Men: One man (who I was later told had been a little...overserved Maker's Mark) told me (repeatedly) that I should allow my child to explore his interests and be supportive, even if he isn't interested in sports. He warned me that if I did not support my son and play an active role in his life, that somebody else would take an interest in my child, and that I would not like what that person does with my child. And, in case his message was too subtle, he rephrased it and said that if my son wants to play piano instead of baseball, I better be at that piano recital whether I want to be or not, because if I'm not there, pedophiles will be there waiting to molest my son. Duly noted.

A Sharp-Dressed Baby
Women: When bringing baby out with a group of women, Mom's efforts to dress and accessorize baby will not go unnoticed. ("Oh my gosh, a monkey onesie! Did you know this was a "monkey" baby shower?! Everybody, look at Robinson's monkey onesie!)

Men: If baby is decked out in support of any athletic team, men will definitely take notice and comment about how baby is "ready for the big game!"

Baby Talk
Women: Women like to ask the baby thoughtful questions, and then laugh as he "answers" the question with his jibber-jabber nonsense. Also, there's coos and baby babble.

Men: Pretty much the same as women.

Post Partum Survival Kit

Fragrance Free

About a week before Robinson's due date, it suddenly dawned on me that since he is brand new to the world, he may feel overwhelmed by all of the fragrances I wear in daily life. Not just perfume, but body splash, body lotion, deodorant, etc. I decided right then that I would not bombard by newborn son's delicate olfactory senses with such pungencies, and I set about purchasing fragrance-free everything. You may want to consider this a little sooner, in case you don't have the luxury of being pregnant for ten months like me.

Epsom Salt
This c-section mama loved her epsom salt baths after returning from the hospital. It helps relieve minor aches and pains, it's relaxing, and it eases some of the swelling.

Lactation Station
During my short but spectacularly disastrous stint as a nursing mother, I acquired quite the arsenal of supplies, which I ended up assembling on my coffee table in what I lovingly referred to as my "lactation station". Some of the supplies were obvious ones (nursing pads, wipes, lanolin) and some were added as I took to the internet in search of helpful tips (vaseline, olive oil, nipple butter). I housed all of my items in a corningware dish, but if that seems too pedestrian, you could go rustic with a galvanized bucket, or crafty with a glazed ceramic bowl from Color Me Mine. You're really limited only by your imagination.

Compression
I'm told that compression garments were not always used post-delivery. Just another reason I'm glad to have given birth in the 21st century. They're standard-issue if you have a c-section, and I say wear it as long as possible. Binding helps the tummy go down more quickly, it relieves discomfort, and helps the skin to tighten up. Once my hospital compression garment became too roomy, I switched to the Belly Bandit, lauded by such "hot moms" as Brooke Burke and Kourtney Kardashian. One or both of them gets paid to sing the Belly Bandit's praises. I'll sing their praises for free. It really helps. I'm wearing mine now.

Shapewear
Wrapping myself in super-strength lycra gives me the courage to face the world. Spanx it til it fits, ladies!

Big Accessories
Do these earrings make my butt look big? No, they don't! Accessories always fit and can make you feel like a glam girly-girl, which is a shot in the arm to any new mom who is months away from fitting into her jeans. Just throw on your big Jackie O sunglasses and go on with yourself, big girl!

Coffee
It's my favorite way to get caffeine, and the best way to start my day. You're probably going to be sleep deprived. Do I even have to tell you this?

Forgiving Footwear
I started this journey wearing a size 7.5 shoe. Sometimes I would buy my stilletos in a size 8. Now I'm pretty much a size 8 all the time, and my feet were extremely swollen for at least a month after Robinson's birth. I made the mistake of cramming my foot into a size 7.5 shoe to run errands one day. Never again.

Haircut
Many will disagree with me on this: brave mommy warriors who declare that their baby will not rob them of their hotness or their bangin' hair. I agree with those mommies wholeheartedly. I don't even want to tell you that it was my girlhood dream to be in a Pantene commercial, but I will share this tidbit of information: the hormones that caused your hair to grow longer, thicker, fuller, faster will reverse. Don't fret--you won't lose hair in clumps or have bald spots. In fact, nobody will even notice--however, as I've watched about 1/3 of my hair fall out over the past couple weeks, I'm glad it's not still super long and layered. It's just a big freakin' mess to vacuum my bathroom floor every day and clean my shower drain daily. For those reasons, I'm glad for my all-one-length hair that falls just past my shoulders. See, I'm not saying to go get a bob or a pixie. Actually, it wasn't a conscious decision on my part. I just had a hormonal post-partum moment one day where my hair was annoying me and so I took a pair of scissors to it and lobbed off four or five inches. It was less of a Britney Spears head-shave moment and more of a Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite moment.

Skincare
There was so much of my old skincare regimen that was against the rules when I was pregnant. It had been so long since I engaged in my twice-daily skincare rituals that I had nearly forgotten them. Resuming this routine helps to give me some much-needed "me" time and start feeling like myself again.

What else, moms? Are there any other post-partum lifesavers that you wouldn't have thought of prior to becoming a mom?

My Baby's Not Here to Amuse You...Unfortunately

Moms, maybe you can relate. If not, lie to me and say you can relate. My baby and I spend a lot of time together. For hours, I watch as my baby smiles, giggles, jibber jabbers, he makes excellent eye contact, and is engaged in whatever we're doing. Junior is socially dynamic and loaded with charisma. It's like he's dancing and singing, "Hello ma baby, hello ma honey, hello ma ragtime gal!"

I'm always happy for others to see him, whether it's the grocery store checkout clerk or friends stopping by to visit, and I can't with for them to see what my boy is able to do now! I'm such a proud mama.
Then, as soon as other people are around, his face just goes...vacant. Junior is completely dead behind the eyes.

I laugh nervously and assure them that he really is a smiling, happy, intelligent baby. To prove it, I try my hardest to rouse a giggle or a smile from his expressionless face.

My efforts are rewarded with either hysterical crying or he begins casually making spit bubbles. Both lack the charm I was hoping for.

So, to recap--

My baby when we're home alone:

My baby in the presence of others:

Baby Robinson in a nutshell: