Friday, September 3, 2010

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

A few of my new favorite things:

Favorite Mugshot: Paris Hilton
I generally find Princess Wonky Eye kinda gross, but here she looks like a sun-kissed fairy. She's really set the bar high for women arrested in Vegas for felony cocaine possession. I hope that if I ever find myself in that position that I look half as good as she does. Tip of the hat to you, m'lady.

Favorite Lesbian: Jane Lynch
For bucking the proud tradition of lesbians wearing menswear and proving that lesbians can rock a glamorous evening gown on the red carpet.

Favorite Jersey Girl: Olivia from Jerseylicious
For being a golden, glamorous, gorgeous guidette with a heart of gold.

Favorite Alaskan: Jewel
I remember a simpler time, when Jewel was the only Alaskan anybody knew [sigh]. Jewel was my great grandmother's name, Jewel shares a birthday with Steve, and she's just a beautiful, unique, authentic person. I'm a big fan.

Favorite Comedian: Joel McHale
Joel's pretty great, if you like funny, smart, successful hot guys. I know I do. Did you see the episode of Community where he takes his shirt off to play pool? Muy caliente!

Favorite Insult: "You're garbage!"
Have alls yous bitches been having secret catfights where you call each other "garbage"? I have never in my life heard that thrown around so frequently. I've heard plenty of name-calling in my day ("redheaded freak" that I am), but not this.

What was my favorite insult prior to this? "You're glib." Thank you, Tom Cruise!
"Matt. Matt, Matt, you don't even — you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is."

Favorite Celebrity Dog: Stains the cupcake eating dog
He won't eat the cupcakes, but he sure wants to! Join the club, buddy. His 15 minutes of fame were so 2008, but I still wanted to show him some love.

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