Favorite Mugshot: Paris Hilton
I generally find Princess Wonky Eye kinda gross, but here she looks like a sun-kissed fairy. She's really set the bar high for women arrested in Vegas for felony cocaine possession. I hope that if I ever find myself in that position that I look half as good as she does. Tip of the hat to you, m'lady.
Favorite Lesbian: Jane Lynch
For bucking the proud tradition of lesbians wearing menswear and proving that lesbians can rock a glamorous evening gown on the red carpet.
Favorite Jersey Girl: Olivia from Jerseylicious
For being a golden, glamorous, gorgeous guidette with a heart of gold.
Favorite Alaskan: Jewel
Joel's pretty great, if you like funny, smart, successful hot guys. I know I do. Did you see the episode of Community where he takes his shirt off to play pool? Muy caliente!
Favorite Insult: "You're garbage!"
Have alls yous bitches been having secret catfights where you call each other "garbage"? I have never in my life heard that thrown around so frequently. I've heard plenty of name-calling in my day ("redheaded freak" that I am), but not this.
What was my favorite insult prior to this? "You're glib." Thank you, Tom Cruise!
He won't eat the cupcakes, but he sure wants to! Join the club, buddy. His 15 minutes of fame were so 2008, but I still wanted to show him some love.