The New Mom Quiz

Ok, new mom: you read the books, took the classes, and discussed with other moms at length all-things-newborn. You have a general idea of how to keep this baby alive, healthy, and happy, but what do you do when the time comes to apply what you've learned in a real life setting? As the mother of a two-month-old little boy, I have found myself in a few situations I hadn't considered before, and my reactions in those situations have at times surprised me. I'm curious what other moms have done in similar circumstances and what future moms think they would do if they were in that situation.

Post your answers in the "comments" section, and thanks for playing!

1. After a nice big feeding, little Junior spits up--award-winning spit up of mass quantities. Spit up all over him, all over you and in your hair, all over the carpet, all over the couch. What do you clean first?

A. The Couch: People can be bathed, but this furniture has to last for years.
B. Junior: It's just bad parenting to let him be covered in this messiness for a minute longer than he has to be.
C. Yourself: I can't properly care for a baby if I'm wearing stinky messy spit-up from head to toe.
D. The Carpet: I do it now, or Stanley Steemer does it later.

2. Ahh...the sound of silence...but you know from experience you have only 5 minutes of free time. How do you spend it?

A. Cleaning
B. Flip through a magazine or watch a little TV
C. Put on a little makeup
D. Play on the computer

3. Your mom just stopped by and has offered to look after Junior for one hour while you have some "Mommy" time. What do you do first?

A. Take a nice long shower...it's been a few days
B. Eat lunch. You haven't enjoyed a single meal uninterrupted since the day Junior was born.
C. Take a nap. You can't remember the last time you got more than four consecutive hours of sleep.
D. Socialize! check emails, play on Facebook, return phone calls, get a manicure with a girlfriend, etc.
E. Exercise.

4. Junior just spit his pacifier onto the floor, and you don't have a spare at the moment. You're now faced with the decision:

A. Five second rule! Pop that sucker back in his mouth.
B. Run it under water for a few seconds. That's good enough.
C. Stop everything and sterilize the pacifier.

5. During a diaper change, Junior pees and poops on you. You are feeling:

A. Amused
B. Horrified and disgusted
C. A little grossed out, but otherwise ok. It comes with the territory.

6. When a friend asks how you're holding up with the demands of your newborn, you are:

A. Upbeat and positive, but not too positive: you don't want to complain openly about your precious gift from God or make Junior sound like a burden. At the same time you don't want give the impression you think your baby is better than their baby.
B. Completely truthful: If he's the world's most perfect baby, you don't hesitate to brag. If he's wearing you out, you're not afraid to reveal how difficult he can be and voice your feelings of frustration and inadequacy.
C. So glad somebody finally asked! You love Junior, but it really helps to have another mom to vent to about all the challenges of motherhood. Take this opportunity to bitch, moan, and cry. Misery loves company!