Jarred (age 7): You can't tell Mom I was swinging from a tree branch...we'll say I slipped on a mossy rock.
Me (age 10): Got it.
I blackmailed Jarred for years with this information.
Now that I'm a mom, I am learning what a big deal it is to visit the pediatrician.
- The first time I used the phrase "My son..." was when calling to schedule his first appointment.
- The first time I was called "Mom" was by a receptionist asking me to fill out paperwork.
- The first person to call Robinson by his full first and last name was a nurse.
- Newborn check-ups are one of the only opportunities/excuses a new mom has to get herself fixed up, dress up the baby, and get out of the house.
- Finding out baby's current weight, length, and percentiles is exponentially more interesting than I would have predicted.
Steve: Did that just happen?
Me: He's a pediatrician and father of four and he becomes rattled by the sound of a crying baby? We've only been doing this two weeks and we're way calmer!
Steve: I know, right?
Fast forward to last night, when I am holding a screaming Robinson:
Steve: So, Bean's been reading your blog--
Me: What?! Why are you even trying to talk to me right now?! I can't hear an effing word you say!
Maybe Dr. N. knows what he's doing after all.
Back to the 1st visit:
Steve: We just took his diaper off for the nurse, and he's bleeding a little bit. I think it's from the circumcision.
Dr. N: Ok, so there's red stuff in the diaper?
Steve: Yeah, there's blood in his diaper.
Dr. N: Well, there's a fluid, and it's red but until we examine him we can't assume it's blood.
Steve: Uh huh. There's blood in his diaper.
Later, when Steve and I are alone:
Steve: Red stuff? I thought you said this guy came recommended.
Me: He did.
Steve: Are you sure he went to medical school?
Steve: What kind of doctor calls "blood" "red stuff"?
Me: Seriously, I'm a 28-year-old woman and I've given birth. I didn't go to a fancy medical school, but I think I can correctly identify blood in the britches.
Sure enough, the "red stuff" proved to be blood. Score 1 for Mom and Dad! On second thought, there are no winners here.
I flew solo for the second check-up. During the exam, Dr. N takes a hard look at me from head to toe:
Dr. N: Well, you look very put together. You seem rested.
Me (laughing): Oh, thank you. I wouldn't say that I'm "rested", but I did manage to take a shower.
At first I thought it was an oddly-worded compliment. Then I realized he was sizing me up to determine if I was buckling under the strain of newborn care demands or suffering from Post Partum Depression. It's kind of a weird feeling to be examined when you dont' know you're being examined, but at the same time I'm grateful that pediatricians look out for mom too.