Friday, September 17, 2010

6-Year-Old Cheerleader Kicked Off Squad, 28-Year-Old Blogger Sounds Off

What Does Nancy Grace Have to Say About This?

Six-year-old Kennedy Tesch of Madison Heights, Michigan, near Detroit, is sans pom poms today. This, all because her mother voiced her objection to what many would agree is a suggestive cheer.

Here's the deal: Duane and Jennifer Tesch don't want their little girl to wind up on the Rock of Love Bus, so when she was set to perform a cheer they felt was in conflict with those goals, they sought out all the avenues for having the cheer removed from the girls' repertoire--up to and including alerting the local media.

The Tesch family tried going up the chain of command through the coach and league administration. After their attempts at a resolution failed, they took their story to the local news. Outraged that the Tesch's didn't resolve the issue internally, and insisting that this cheer has been a 20-year-tradition and that the Tesch's are the ones with the dirty minds for finding the cheer inappropriate, the cheerleading squad voted unanimously to remove the little girl from the team. She is entitled to a full refund and allowed to return to the squad next season--on probation!

Apparently, the Madison Heights Youth Flag Football Team is so steeped in tradition that they felt it more appropriate to kick a little girl off their team than to perhaps reevaluate this ridiculous cheer. Let's see what all the fuss is about:

Picture your six year old little girl performing this chant in front of a crowd of grown men:

"Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right." 

I have all kinds of problems with this chant. Allow me to enumerate them for you:
  1. Why does your back ache, six year old girl? Mine aches, but I'm on the eve of my 29th birthday, just carried a baby the size of a chuck wagon to full term, and I'm having prolonged issues related to the epidural. I could really use a vicodin right now. So tell me, why does your back ache again?
  2. Why is your skirt too tight? Are you trying to wear your uniform from last season? Are you starting the Master Cleanse on Saturday? Or do you just like the way it makes your booty pop? Why would a six year old girl wear a skirt that is too tight? And why is that something to cheer about?
  3. You shake your booty from left to right? I suppose a little booty shakin' never hurt anybody. Heaven (and the DJ at the Five Points Music Hall) knows I did some booty shakin' in my day. For me, the booty shaking by itself isn't so offensive, but the first grade girls have already revealed that they are shaking their booties while wearing ill-fitting garments, which raises the Skanky Score on this cheer from Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders to Pussycat Dolls.
I guess now you're gonna tell me that I've got a filthy mind. (You wouldn't be the first). Or you're gonna tell me I'm an uptight prude who needs to lighten up (You would be the first.) What I find appropriate for women is not the same as what I find appropriate for little girls. But don't ask me, ask Nancy Grace. While some might find her...overzealous, when it comes to exploited children, hell hath no fury like Nancy Grace. See for yourself, as The Soup mashes up Glen Beck and Nancy Grace telling us what's wrong with America:

So, Madison Heights Youth Flag Football Cheerleading Program: are you telling us that if we as parents want to exercise discretion in determining what is appropriate for our young children, we have to either check our morals at the door or get the hell off your football field? Are you so proud of this adorable cheer that you felt it worth fighting for? Shame on you!

For the record, I did not officially begin shaking my booty until I was nine. And for that, I have the Corky Bell School of Dance and Wreckx-N-Effect's "Rump Shaker" to thank.
"All I wanna do is in my zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom--Just shake your rump!"

I just wanna give a virtual *hug* to all the mothers of little girls out there. Society seems to really want them to slut it up. You've got an uphill battle. I've said my peace. Your move, Nancy Grace.

*soap box dismount*

1 comment:

  1. LMAO! I love your summation of this ridiculous story. The fact that all the parents united in kicking this little girl off the team is truly scary! Well, maybe her mom can enroll her in gymnastics, which requires many of the same skills without being inherently sexual. I hope the coach and parents of this squad are thoroughly embarrassed at all the attention and flack they are getting for being, well, assholes.