Thursday, September 23, 2010

Babies and Bandits

I am running on four hours of sleep, and today is Robinson's two-month check up. For those of you without children, this means my boo is getting vaccinated. For those of you thinking "So?", this means my boo is gonna be a sad little man. I've been warned that fever and fits are to be expected. It's been recommended I strap on a helmet, because it's gonna be a rough ride. With only my sense of humor and a triple venti nonfat vanilla latte to help me, I started my day at 5:00 am. As I'm feeding Robinson his first bottle of the day, I am greeted by my local meteorologist, whose name is Jennifer Lopez, with an enthusiastic "It's Fall, y'all!" She isn't usually this excited, and I can tell she's been waiting months to be able to say that. Good for you, Jen. Good for you.

Next, I got a chuckle from this local news story about a local "Bathroom Bandit":

The guy on the right is Tyce Von Franklin. He was arrested on September 1 for robbing the Texas Trust Credit Union in Arlington, Texas and making off with $183,000. The guy on the right is Kyle Lightner, a bank teller who (allegedly) helped plot the heist, and assisted Franklin during the robbery through helpful text messaging.

If you're thinking $183,000 is a boat-load of cash and an impressive, rare feat, you are correct. So says the FBI. We've got ourselves a regular Ocean's Two over here in Texas! They don't look like George Clooney and Matt Damon, so just how exactly did they pull this off?

Franklin hid in the bathroom until the bank closed, at which point he emerged, brandishing a handgun (I love the word "brandishing". I so rarely get to use it in a sentence) and forced employees into the vault where he loaded up on dollar bills. Ahh, yes, the ol' "hiding in the bathroom" trick. Works every time! The text messages proved critical. Lightner reminded Franklin of the layout of the bank, and warned him of a co-worker who "screams at scary movies, so be calm." Then, the local newscast flashes an image of a cell phone with the following text messages:

Lightner: "Don't forget yo sunglasses"

Franklin:  "Alrite"

Yes, leaving behind the sunglasses you're seen wearing in surveillance footage while robbing a bank would be a critical error that could blow this case wide open. Good lookin' out.
As the mugshots indicate, these two criminal masterminds didn't ride off into the sunset to live out their days with their stolen loot. Allow me to outline all the ways they went wrong:
  1. Four hours after the robbery, Franklin was pulled over for speeding (54 in a 40)
  2. Franklin had in his possession a bank robber starter kit: a handgun, a surgical mask, and a large amount of cash.
  3. Also in Franklin's possession: marijuana. I guess that was for celebrating his windfall.
  4. Franklin was wearing the same t-shirt he wore during the robbery.
That's just sloppy bank robbing.


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