Thursday, June 3, 2010

Joran van der Sloot [allegedly] Strikes Again

I've introduced you to Misty, so you already know that she is not a reliable source of information. So yesterday, when Jarred told me that she was rambling on about how Joran van der Sloot was on the loose and killing girls, and asking, "What if he kills a girl every year on the anniversary of Natalee Holloway's disappearance and he's never found?", I just assumed she'd been watching I Still Know What You Did Last Summer while on peyote again. Imagine my surprise when Meredith Vieira came into my bedroom this morning and told me that a Peruvian girl had been murdered on the anniversary of Natalee Holloway's disappearance after last being seen with Joran van der Sloot. Holy Methadone. This is the most lucid Misty has ever sounded, and given the circumstances, her conspiracy theory isn't outside the realm of possibility.

I was living in Birmingham when Natalee Holloway disappeared, and the fact that she has never been found and there has been no justice for Natalee is a source of bitterness and frustration for many. I never met Natalee, but she's one of us. An all-American girl. She could have been one of my fellow cheerleaders or sorority sisters and what happened to her is so tragic. I resolved never to vacation in Aruba. My tropical vacations are few and far between, and I just decided that I would not throw my precious, rare tourism dollars at an island that let one of our own vanish without justice.  If I vacation in a place where Americans check-in but don't check-out, the terrorists win. Or at least the homicidal sociopathic Dutchmen win. That seems strange to say, but I just couldn't enjoy my vacation there knowing what happened to Natalee. Or not knowing what happened to Natalee. I wouldn't feel right.

If you're like me, the few snippets and sound bites on television and the internet left you with more questions than answers. I'm going to outline what I've uncovered in easy-to-digest tidbits, so you can stop scratching your head and asking, "WTF?" (Seriously, I hope your internal monologue isn't text abbreviations.)

Q: Who is Joran van der Sloot's latest [alleged] victim?
A: Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramirez, 21, of Peru

Q: What happened to Stephany?
A: She was found brutally beaten and stabbed to death in a bloody hotel room in Lima, Peru on May 30.

Q: Why is Joran van der Sloot a suspect?
A: She was found dead in a hotel room booked in van der Sloot's name after a hotel employee reportedly saw the two enter that same hotel room together. Additionally, the last images of Stephany alive are the surveillance footage of her leaving a Lima casino with van der Sloot.

Q: What was van der Sloot doing in Lima, Peru?
A: He arrived in Peru on May 14 to participate in a poker tournament.

Q: Where is van der Sloot now?
A: He's on the lam. There is an international warrant for his arrest, and he is believed to be on his way to Argentina after fleeing to Chile.

Q: Why wasn't he already in prison for charges related to Natalee Holloway's disappearance?
A: He was arrested in 2005 and 2007, but has never been charged with a crime.

Q: Where has van der Sloot been all this time?
A: Holland

Q: Where are the Kalpoe brothers?
A: Aruba

Q: What else do you know?
A: van der Sloot's dad dropped dead on a tennis court in Aruba in February. I just found out today.

Sources: Fox News, ABC News, Associated Press

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