Thursday, June 3, 2010

Subway Story

I've loved my years working in the event planning and salon and spa industry. Those are two interesting lines of work because they tend to attract an eclectic mix of people. I've had the pleasure - and sometimes, frustration - of working with a colorful cast of characters. I have had the distinction of calling drag queens, cage fighters, members of New Kids on the Block's travelling entourage, and Dungeon Masters my co-workers. I expect to wake up one day, surrounded by all my ordinary, responsible, well-adjusted co-workers, and realize that my career as I know it up to this point was just a dream.

"Oh, but it wasn't a dream! It was a place! And you - and you - and you - and you were there. But you couldn't have been, could you?"

I'm a pretty open-minded person, so it takes a lot to shock me. As a result, I've had my share of bizarre, often candid conversations. This is just one of those conversations:

Me: Today is the worst. You should totally drink a beer or seven after work.
Dave: I've been sober since I was incarcerated.
Me: Incarcerated?
Dave: Yeah, since I served time in prison.
Me: That's what I thought "incarcerated" meant.
Dave: Yep.
Me: Did you kill somebody?
Dave: No, I robbed a Subway.
Me: Like a subway station?
Dave: Like a Subway sandwich shop.
Me: Why did you rob a Subway sandwich shop?
Dave: To get money to score drugs.
Me: So what, did you just storm into a Subway and demand that the Sandwich Artist empty the register?
Dave: Basically.
Me: I ate lunch at Subway yesterday. A six-inch sub, chips, and a drink cost like, four bucks. Exactly how much cash did you expect to get?
Dave: I dunno, we got a couple hundred bucks.
Me: I just think, of all the places you could've gunpoint?
Dave: Yeah, at gunpoint.
Me: Ok, of all the places you could've robbed at gunpoint, I just think you could have chosen a place with greater cash flow. You could have scored a lot more drugs.
Dave: Yeah, I was high...I wasn't really thinking things through.
Me: Obviously. Wait, if you were convicted of armed robbery, what are you doing here? I thought that carried like, a 20 year sentence or something.
Dave: Yeah, normally you'd be right. But it wasn't a real gun, so they could only put me away for a few years.
Me: Wow, lucky break.
Dave: Yeah, I feel lucky.
Me: So are you banned from Subway for life?
Dave: No, I still eat there sometimes.


  1. For the life of me, I can't remember, and I pride myself on my "truthiness" so I didn't want to make up a type of gun. It could have been a water gun, a bebe gun, a spud gun, one of those guns you fire into the air to signal the beginning of a race...something that could pass for a real gun but that doesn't fire live ammo.