Persian Dwight Schrute. I only did it so I could have a big ol' corner slice of white-on-white cake. I even made a white cake white frosting stipulation when I donated. My manager returned an hour later with a cake the size of your nana's kitchen telephone (not enough to feed the 30-some-odd people who work here), a bouquet of flowers, and a Hallmark card that says "Happy Birthday, You Selfish Bitch".
Her birthday was 2 days ago. Only when she was heard whining and moping that she didn't feel loved did anybody think to take up a collection.
I feel misled. I want my $2.00 back. Dammit. I guess I'll just have to send Donnie out for a spicy Chick-fil-A sandwich. om nom nom nom nom.