Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Score is: Benadryl: 1, Samantha: 0

I'm running through the streets of New York City, with Alec Baldwin in hot pursuit. I'm pretty sure he wants to kill me. We run for miles. I'm surprised by our cardiovascular endurance, but Alec and I are both in top physical condition. My mad dash leads us down train tracks and through mine shafts, before meeting a dead-end inside a packed ballroom. I burst in, only slightly out of breath, my hair and makeup flawless, and am greeted by thunderous applause. I've been selected as "Woman of the Year"! Alec is just steps behind me, laughing and clapping as if to say, "Oh, this is just classic Samantha!" and that's when he tells me that he was simply trying to escort me here so that I could choose from a rack of couture gowns selected especially for me and this occasion. I'm so humbled and flattered. And under dressed, but I don't mind. I'm honored!


"Hmm?" I ask, disoriented. I open my eyes to see that George and I are face to face. I think that everyone should have the privilege of beginning their day just once, by staring into the eyes of this Ewok cherub of a dog. He looks so...relieved that I'm not dead. He lets out a sigh, like, "Oh, thank God!" I'm in my bed, spooning Laney, who is lying beside me with her head on Steve's pillow.

"You are so mean in the morning. Why are you so mean?" Steve asked. "I don't know," I mumbled. I really don't. To hear him tell it, I'm plain rude during the moments between sleeping and waking, and I have no idea what I said. When I ask him later and he tells me, it doesn't sound all that bad. I think somebody is a Sensitive Stanley and needs to recognize that I need a few minutes to get my bearings. He wakes up all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. For the record, the "mean" thing I said was in response to his proudly announcing that he had let the dog out, to which I replied, "Obviously, you let the dog out, he's giving me Eskimo kisses."

It was the damn Benadryl. I took a couple at 10:30 last night because my legs were doing that Restless Leg Syndrome thing and I couldn't settle down. It felt like I was going to jump out of my skin and I needed to do something in order to sleep. Benadryl is a spiteful bitch, she lets me sleep, but she causes me to have crazy, hallucinogenic dreams and wake up feeling groggy, disoriented, and hungover.

1 comment:

  1. I have the very same relationship with benadryl. ugh.