I Live in a Dog House

Last week, I had six dogs in my house. Six dogs. I didn't realize how insane that was until half of them left and I'm back to my original three mutts. Mom has two corgis, and I was babysitting my neighbor's beagle while they went on a little vacation. Everybody gets along well and loves to play together, but it gets a little dicey at meal times. Between six dogs, I had three different types of dog food, two dogs who require private dining, two who like to rotate from bowl to bowl and eat everybody's food and exhibit general bad-assness, one who is borderline anorexic and requires supervision to ensure she eats enough, and one unsuspecting beagle who belongs in protective custody. Feeding time requires a lot of involvement on my part, and I feel like a referee.

At one point, George and Gus (Gus is George's brother and Mom's dog) got into a scuffle over George's food, and I got caught in the crossfire. As I rolled up my pant leg to see blood dripping down my leg, Mom got this horrified look on her face and gasped, "Oh no! Gus bit you?" and I said what is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've said in years:

"No, no. Gus didn't bite me. It's not his fault. My leg got in the way of his teeth, that's all."

Let me clarify: Gus bit the shit out of me. It took one more such dumb remark on my part before I realized that I lack a little perspective when it comes to these dogs. It was a couple nights later, and Steve and I were feeding the dogs by ourselves.

Steve: Is there a certain way we need to do this?

Me: Yeah, you gotta put down their food in a certain order in certain places, that way people don't eat other people's food.

Steve: [sets down bowl, looks at me] That way people don't eat other people's food?

Me: [long pause] That way dogs don't eat other dogs' food.

Steve: That's better.

I have got to start establishing boundaries with the dogs. They're my fur babies, and I love them so much. Apparently I love all dogs, and that's lovely, but I'm too willing to step aside and let them run my household. Unacceptable, especially with a little one on the way. Starting now-ish, there's a new sheriff in town!