"Erin wanted her freestyle dance to tell the story of her and Maks, and that dance takes place on a mattress. How subtle, Erin."
"Erin is gonna lose DWTS because instead of doing a fun freestyle she decided to have simulated sex onscreen. FAIL."
Yes, I text in complete sentences with minimal abbreviations.
Erin claims that the decision to perform a lyrical dance was to "take a risk." Never kid a kidder, Erin. The decision to perform a lyrical dance was a self-indulgent one. It's like when I entered the Jefferson County Junior Miss
Then they asked me if I knew who Tony Blair was. I didn't.
Then they asked me if I knew who Alan Greenspan was. I didn't.
Enough about my glory days, let's get back to Erin. We're close in age, both raised in the south, and both took dance lessons as children. I have no doubt that, like me, she has many happy memories doing pique turns and slowly sliding into the splits to a Celine Dion song. So she likes lyrical dance. So she had the opportunity to perform a lyrical dance by a renowned choreographer on a national stage and she took it. So she couldn't pass up the chance to roll around on a mattress with a hot Russian so that everyone and my Nana could see what Maks taught her. Own it, but know that unless her fan base is randy fellas who love to vote the maximum number of times, she probably lost the disco ball trophy to my arch rival, Nicole "I'm not a professional dancer" Scherzinger.