I Just Borrowed Some Street Cred From Your Mom

Mom knows best, right? She knows which cough syrup to trust, which peanut butter is best, and a whole host of other really important things. Moms are so worldly and all-knowing, and not afraid to say it, like, "I'm a mom, I know what I'm talking about," and the moms in the room all share a knowing laugh, and the non-moms all feel like jackasses (not that this ever happened to me.)

Well, today I played the "Mom" card, and I must say, it felt great! I realize I'm using it more like a credit card, because I'm "writing a check with my mouth that my ass can't cash" when I make a statement backed up by my authority as a mother and I am unable to produce a child to prove I possess such expertise. I did it anyway. This paragraph is heavy with money metaphors. Will refrain from that going forward.

I work as for the Regional Vice President of a corporation that owns 1500 salons and spas in North America. And that's exactly how I'll spin it at my high school reunion (if I were going to my high school reunion.) I sit in an office in a day spa. I do paperwork. I listen to Pandora. I prop my feet up and drink a Starbucks Vanilla Latte. Sometimes I answer the phone. Sometimes, I help people.

Today, one of my most lovable co-workers bursts into my office workspace in a big gay frenzy. You see, he's been dealing with a man over the phone who wants to purchase a gift card for his wife for Mother's Day. This plan is problematic because:

1. Mother's Day is tomorrow
2. The man can't come in to pick up the gift card
3. It's Saturday, so we can't mail it in time
4. The man is hell-bent on giving this gift card to his wife tomorrow

This is a disaster! As my friend puts it (he drags all his words out to make them longer than necessary) "Ohhh myyyy goshhhhhhhh, I have been dealin' with this guy alllllllll morninnnnnn' whattttt do I sayyyyyyy to him?"

My first response: "Tell him to suck it." What, that's not helpful? Or polite? Fair enough. Then I said, "Ugh, men are so stupid. His wife doesn't care if he presents her with the actual gift card tomorrow, she just wants to know he paid for her spa day." My friend says, "I knowwwwww, I've been tryyyyin' to tell him thaaaaat." Ok, so we have a "talking in circles" situation. What to say, what to say... "Ok, tell him that I am a mother, and that I said for him to give her a card letting her know that she will be treated to a day at the spa, and assure him that we will have the gift card waiting for her when she arrives for her appointment. Tell him I said that his wife will be thrilled and won't mind one bit that she didn't receive the actual gift card. Ok?"

So he says, "Ok, sir? I'm just talking to one of the ladies who works here, and she's a mom so she knows what she's talking about, and she says..." Within two minutes, the transaction was processed and all was right with the world. My friend turns to me as he's leaving the office and says "Who would have thought, after all that, he just needed to hear it from a mom?" I am so pleased with myself right now. [Patting self on back]