Fun with Google

I downloaded this thingy for my blog, and I don't know how it works or what it does, but once a week I receive a report via email, and it tells me the Google searches that brought new readers to my blog. These search topics mildly amused Steve and me, so I am passing them on to you. So you can be mildly amused. Or not. Some of the searches aren't "funny", but I think it's funny that of all their possible Google search results, they decided that my blog had the answers they were looking for. How foolish, Google user! My reaction is in green.

Calamity Jane golden news humane Can I buy a verb? 
compression stockings are oh-so-sexy.
Liberace movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal.
Megan Mullally currently starring in the worst "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercial ever. Fabio called. He says you suck.
pregnant movies more laughs and fewer stretch marks than the real thing.
scholl sandals look great with compression stockings.
baby preparation 29 weeks if you're me: you haven't painted the nursery, baby-proofed the house, or taken any kind of childbirth or childcare class. Way to be on top of things!
lolita sex young girls photos Eww! Three Mutts refuses to contribute to this sort of depravity! I suspect this Googler user is featured on Megan's Law.
Jessica Simpson has blown any chance she ever had to be a Colgate spokesperson.
"to pull a samantha" what does that mean? If you ask my friends, it means to wear a low-cut shirt and talk too much.
sixth grader performs paparazzi and makes this 28-year-old woman feel like a talentless hack.
Brad Wollack on Saved By the Bell Is my blog was the only place on the world wide web that includes posts featuring "Brad Wollack" and "Saved by the Bell"? Probably.
text descriptive my hospital I got nothin'...
brokeassweave.blogspot.com is a much more clever blog title than "Three Mutts and a Baby".
circumsized because I mispelled misspelled "circumcised". And I really did just misspell "misspelled".
Heigl acknowledges she's earned a reputation for being a miserable, ungrateful cow...by acting like a miserable, ungrateful cow. Great, now I kinda like her.