What Do Mona Lisa Vito and I Have in Common?

What do Lisa Vito and I have in common? We both lament living in a place without access to good Chinese food. I've been thinking about it more recently because I've been really craving it. My cravings have gone unsatisfied, as I text Steve "Too bad the Chinese food is terr-uh-bull!" It's worth noting that I live in Dallas, a city with a rather high Asian population (as opposed to my previous home of Birmingham, Alabama). I believe these Dallas Asians are predominately Vietnamese and Korean. They're good people, but their bread-and-butter seems to be dry cleaners and nail salons, so I look great but I'm hungry.

Back to the Chinese food. I waved the white flag and surrendered my pursuit of good Chinese food in this town after a series of disastrous experiences with local restaurants who have at various times shoved delivery menus into my front door. I use the word "disastrous" because I'm a huge drama queen:

1. I called one delivery place where the woman who answered the phone must have been their grandma from the old country. When I say she spoke zero English, I mean it. I thought we could muddle through, since the menu items are in Chinese, but between her Chinese accent and my southern accent, we couldn't get it together. I finally gave up.
2. I tried a different Chinese delivery place. This one had the wherewithal to have the Chinese-American teenagers answer the phone. But instead of pulling up my billing information using the phone number I gave her at the beginning of the phone call, she used my number she lifted off caller ID. So, I went through the unnecessarily lengthy process of placing the order, only have her tell me she doesn't have my debit card on file. I'm driving, so I can't read my card to her. In frustration, I cancelled the order. Then I cried angry, hungry tears. I was PMS-ing real bad.
3. I've waited over 90 minutes for a delivery I was told would arrive in 30 minutes.
4. When the tardy order finally arrived, we discovered that instead of the two entrees I ordered, we received only one entree. Steve and I had to share (what a frickin' nightmare!) When I called the restaurant in a huff to inform them, I was not given a refund but instead promised a free entree next time I call. Pfft, like there'll be a next time!
5. I've received Mongolian Beef with no beef. Seriously, it was just sauce and peppers and one morsel of meat.
6. I've received Cashew Chicken with no cashews.
7. Not their fault, but in that same meal I received a fortune cookie with no fortune. *headdesk*
8. I've received Sweet and Sour Chicken with no sweet and sour sauce. Now it's just chicken nuggets. Seriously, I would have rather soaked Chick-fil-A nuggets in Polynesian Sauce.

Can I stop now? Have I sufficiently made my case? So...once a year, I get my Chinese fix at P.F. Chang's, and about once a year, I dip into a food court at my neighborhood mall (I loathe the mall) and indulge in some Manchu Wok.