I was really rooting for Audrina Patridge on Dancing with the Stars. But not enough to bother to vote...and apparently nobody else bothered, because she was eliminated on Tuesday. In case you're not watching--the rhythmically challenged Bristol Palin is still on the show. Sidenote: I may be stereotyping, but as a teen mother, I expected Bristol to be a little more...I dunno...sexy. She's really not. Bless her heart.
Any-cha-cha, after the elimination show, "celebrity photojournalists" from Hollywood.tv caught up with Audrina's mom Lynn squatting outside Eva Longoria's restaurant, Beso, smoking a cigarette and sipping what I would calculate to be her seventh or eighth glass of wine. I'm so not interested in paparazzi-filmed videos of celebrities out on the town, but I was a little curious what Lynn Patridge looked like, and her face was obscured by the "Play" button on the video. I watched the full five minutes, and left feeling like:
A: Dina Lohan has some stiff competition
B: Audrina is miraculously classy and well-adjusted
If you hang on, you can listen to Audrina's mom hurl slurred, profanity-laced insults at Lauren Conrad's "pissy-ant little fashion shit" and the "Hills Tramps". At one point, a friend with hair that's reminiscent of a Corky Bell School of Dance annual recital circa 1988 makes a feeble attempt to take her away from the cameras to prevent further embarrassment. Her friend failed. Great hair poof, though. In case you haven't got time for this NSFW video, I've lovingly compiled the greatest hits. (You're welcome!) Oh, but if you don't watch the video, you don't get to see the Beso employee pick up Lynn and carry her back into the restaurant.
"When one door closes, another door opens"
"'drina is gonna f*ckin' RISE!"
"Fuckin'-A, she's a Polish-Catholic, f*ckin' full-on Italian!" [Audrina]
"Audrina coulda won Dancing with the Stars, but it wasn't God's Will."
"You think Kurt Russell and Sarah Palin's daughter did good?"
"She ain't no second-class actress, she rocks!" [Audrina]
"I've been a celebrity mom eight years through this Hills bulls*it"
"She's gonna be so pissed I'm talking to you idiots"
"At Jimby Kimbell...it was really good...I drank my first three glasses of wine...I usually don't drink"