A 'Miner' Observation

Ok, if you have spent any time reading my blog, you know I don't really follow the "news" per se. I view the television purely as a source of entertainment. I receive most of my information via Us Weekly, Ryan Seacrest and Joel McHale of The Soup. But, if I'm watching Oprah, and I happen to be too busy taking care of my baby to change the channel when the local and national news airs, well then I just might watch the news on accident. That happened to me today.

Here's what I knew about the whole Chilean Miner saga prior to today:

1. There is a South American country called "Chile"
2. It is pronounced "Chee-lay"
3. They mine for stuff down there
4. People who mine for stuff down there are called "miners"
5. They work in places underground called "mines"
6. A bunch of miners somehow became trapped in a mine.
7. They will be rescued, but only after being stuck there for 2+ months
8. As wives and children of the trapped miners held vigil, so did the miners' mistresses. Awkward.

You had me at "Miner Mistresses". I erupted into a fit of giggles and ignored any other details related to the story. You have to forgive me, I've been taking care of a newborn, and my husband and I have the sense of humor appropriate for a 14-year-old boy. I have since learned that this is the Apollo 13 and Baby Jessica story of this decade. I will try to treat it as such. I am super thankful everybody has been safely rescued. They really beat the odds.

So, today was the day they all got rescued. We would later hear news reports describing their state of mind and conditions down there, but earlier in the day we are focusing on the jubilant occasion and witnessing the rescue of the 33 men. Here were my observations:

1. I expected them to be emaciated. They did not appear to be.
2. I expected them to have long pepaw beards. They did not.
3. I expected them to be all dirty like Pigpen from the Peanuts gang, and covered in soot. "But Samantha, they were trapped in a copper mine. They're not chimney sweeps!" No matter. I pictured them covered in soot.
4. I expected at least one of them to be slapped by his wife while his mistress throws herself in front of him. Kind of like an episode of Cheaters.
5. The ABC reporter gleefully reported that this mine previously produced copper, and some gold, but today it produces men! Living, joyous men. I think to myself that I have a few gay friends who would be thrilled about a "man mine".
6. Then they discuss the thing-a-ma-jig that is used to rescue them. I've been married to Steve too long, and my mind is in the gutter. The rescue thingy is shaped kind of like a phallus, and they use the words "lubricant" and "shaft" in describing how it operates. I let out a chuckle.
7. All this talk of mistresses, lubricants and shafts gets me thinking of sex. I text Steve: "Do you suppose that they had a designated jerk-off corner? It's a valid question, albeit a sick, perverted one. I'm sorry. Steve is filled with pride that such a thought would cross my mind. I apologize for him too.
8. I only spent a few minutes watching the rescue, but these miners appeared to be cleaner than I was while watching it from the comfort of my living room. I was all hot and sweaty from running around, consoling a screaming infant, and scrubbing pots and pans. Then, I was covered in spit-up and scraping baby poop out from under my fingernails. I don't even want to tell you what my hair looked like. I'll just say, these guys looked better than me, and they've been underground for two months.