Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm Cleaning Out My Closet

No, the title for this post is not a metaphor for telling all my dirty secrets. I'm saving those for my memoirs. This post is literally about me cleaning out my closet. Wa--wait, don't close your web browser! If you read this post all the way to the end, there's pictures!

Lately, I have been behaving like a woman obsessed--a woman obsessed with organization. I'm systematically cleaning and organizing closets, cabinets, and drawers with inexplicable urgency. If I were nine months pregnant, I would be told I'm nesting. Incidentally, when I was nine months pregnant, the nesting instinct never kicked in. Go figure.

My closet was chaos. I should have taken a "before" picture, but honestly, it was too embarrassing. Just picture a national disaster. Picture my closet as the post-Katrina Lower Ninth Ward, only Brad Pitt is never gonna "Make it Right". Don't get me started about how FEMA isn't going to help me, either.

My closet is always a work-in-progress. About once a year, I whip myself into a frenzy cleaning and organizing it, only to lose interest and momentum when the task is about 75% complete. Then, whenever I'm having company over, my closet is the place where I stuff everything I didn't find time to put away properly. I always think that nobody will ever see my closet, but undoubtedly everyone who visits my home winds up in my closet for one reason or another, and they're all, "Jeez, Samantha...clean much?" It's mortifying. If the FBI saw my closet, they'd probably search it for Jimmy Hoffa. He could totally be in there.

As I said before, I launch into a closet-cleaning frenzy about once a year. Then I realized, I always do this in the Fall. More specifically, I do this every November. It's a compulsion I can't explain. It's like Spring cleaning, but not. One year, I bought a dozen canvas totes from The Container Store. The year before that, I bought about 200 espresso wooden hangers. I have visions of an immaculate, beautiful closet even Mariah Carey would approve of:
I just need a chair, a chandelier, and leopard wall-to-wall carpet like Kimora Lee Simmons has. That's another woman who takes her closet very seriously, and that's one of the things I love about her.

Ok, now for pictures of my own finished closet. You didn't think I was going to bore you to tears with a blog post about my closet and not show you the finished product, did you? In fact, the whole reason for this post was so I had an excuse to post pictures, to prove to myself that I did it.

I have an L-shaped walk-in closet in the master bedroom all to myself. Steve insisted I have it, wouldn't take no for an answer, and by the time I moved into the house after our honeymoon, he had already moved all of his belongings into the guest bedroom closet. He's so considerate.

No wire hangers!!!
 Admittedly, my closet was more aesthetically pleasing after Closet Cleaning '08, when I made the decision to hang my clothes by color. It looked great, but it made choosing an outfit more difficult. If I wanted a t-shirt, I had to search the entire closet--color by color. It was pure hell, I tell you! 
If you look closely, you can see all my Juicy Couture tracksuits. Jealous?

Let's get some shoes...

There's just one teeny problem: I still have nothing to wear.


  1. I still remember when you told us (in Coach Chimento's class) that you scheduled your clothes....just to make sure they all got worn, but not worn too many times in one year. :)

  2. First of all I am quite impressed. I'm also pleased I did not pass on to you all my "messy/disorganized" genes. I saw no ruby slippers.

  3. Where did you buy those black hangers? My hangers leave dents in my shirts!

    1. They are wooden hangers, I just like the ones with the dark glossy stain! I bought mine at Linens & Things, but I've seen similar hangers at Ikea and Bed Bath & Beyond. Good hangers definitely make a difference in protecting my clothes!