A Fun Little Rivalry?

As I've said before, the Iron Bowl is a day I just have to get through. Fans are so intense and take this rivalry to such a level that it isn't even fun for me. To me, a good rivalry is still fun. Some examples:

Seinfeld and Newman

"Chaos--it reduces us to jungle law"

Sue Sylvester and Will Schuester

"I relish the thought of another full year of constantly besting you"

Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag

"She can't come to my birthday!"

Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd

"I'm sowwy, Mr. Wabbit. I hope I didn't hurt you too much when I killed you."

Alabama and Auburn's rivalry isn't fun like these others. It's more like:

War of the Roses

Charlie Sheen and (Brooke Mueller, Denise Richards, a porn star, a hooker)

Boris and Natasha vs. Rocky and Bullwinkle

"We've been trying to kill moose and squirrel for 35 years."

I feel like, if Alabama fans were, collectively, presented with Auburn University in its entirety, and Auburn University had dynamite strapped to it and Crimson Tide fans were told "press the red button, and there'll be no more Auburn. No more rivalry. You will win every Iron Bowl by default until the end of time!" I think Bama fans would press the red button.

If Bama fans could pull a Snidely Whiplash and tie Auburn's football team to train tracks, I think they just might. 

What I'm saying is, it's not so much a "rivalry" as it is a "bitter hatred". I take no pleasure in celebrating "bitter hatred". Keep me out of it!