Of Course She Ordered Sprinkles...

Oh. My. Gosh, y'all! I feel so lucky to live in a time where every detail of Taylor Swift's life is painstakingly reported, because it entertains me to no end. How much are we loving her budding romance with Jake Gyllenhaal? I just Googled Jake's name to make sure I spelled it correctly. I totally had it spelled right all on my own, and I kinda hate myself for it. I need a hobby.

So, it was widely reported that Jake and Taylor--will we soon have to call them by a cute nickname, like "Jaylor"?--err. So, it was widely reported that Jake and Taylor went on a whimsical date to the apple orchard. To pick apples. Yes, people--apples! Did Jake later use those apples to whip up a batch of his homemade apple crisp (his personal recipe), or did they use them to garnish appletinis (virgin for her), or did they drop them in a bucket of water and bob for them? I need to know what became of these damn apples.

The latest "Jaylor" sighting takes place in a Santa Barbara ice cream parlor. Jake reportedly ordered Swiss chocolate chip, and Taylor chose yogurt--with SPRINKLES! [insert jazz hands]. While in the ice cream parlor, Taylor alledgedly flirted like a ten year old:

"Taylor laughed at everything Jake said," a witness tells the new Us Weekly. "At one point, she measured herself against Jake on her tiptoes." (An observer adds that Gyllenhaal "held her hand.")

Holding hands already? Has he even given her his class ring and asked her to go steady yet? I'm expecting their next date to take place in a drive-in or a skating rink. Please let it be a skating rink.

What I love about Taylor is that she doesn't try to be hip or cool or modern, and she has always been seemingly unconcerned with coming across as clingy with her love interests. She is completely oblivious to the idea of playing hard-to-get. I can tell from her songs and listening to her talk in interviews that she has a very narrow and specific definition of what romance is. It's like her family moved into a fallout shelter during the Cold War, only to emerge 40+ years later and try to assimilate with contemporary society, and Taylor's only understanding of romance and dating comes from watching reruns of 1950s sitcoms. Basically, Taylor is Brendan Fraser's character in Blast from the Past.

I know it sounds like I'm making fun of Taylor Swift (I would never), I actually find it endearing. In a culture and industry where it's considered a rite of passage to strip down to a glittery flesh colored bra top and roll around on stage...

...or dance on a stripper pole affixed to an ice cream cart wearing something that fell off the Rock of Love Bus...

I think it's great that Taylor just wants someone to eat sprinkles with her.

photo via New York Daily News