Saturday, July 17, 2010

I'd Wear This Before I'd Wear A 'Team Oksana' Shirt

Too soon? Too vulgar? Probably, and yes. I prefer my Mel Gibson with a mullet and Danny Glover, not with a substance abuse problem and a string of racist, misogynistic and anti-Semitic tirades. [Blogger's note: Lethal Weapon 2 and What Women Want are both on TV right now. Seriously?] I don't think anybody is supporting or defending Mel Gibson right now, and I certainly am not. Domestic violence is no laughing why did this t-shirt give me the biggest case of the giggles? When I listen to the Mel Gibson audio tapes threatening baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, it chills me to the bone. When I read the transcript of the Mel Gibson audio tapes, I can't help but chuckle a little bit. 

Here's a little sample of "Mel Says the Darndest Things: The 'Blow Me' Edition":

“I deserve to be blown first! Before the fucking Jacuzzi! Ok, I’ll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you?”

“I should’ve woken you up and said fucking blow me bitch! I should’ve fucking woken you up and said blow me! You would’ve liked that better, yeah? But you need the goddamn sleep!”

"You should just fucking smile and bloooow me, because I deserve it!"

"I am going to come and burn the fucking house down...but you will blow me first."

Ok, I'm sorry if you're super offended by the above quotes. Those weren't very nice things for Mel to say to the mother of his child. I don't think it's funny that he's threatening Oksana. I'm laughing at the idea that Mel is telling Oksana that he is going to inflict harm or damage in some way, but prior to carrying out said threat, he will have her do him a "favor". It's not the "blow me" part that's funny. He could have chosen from any number of "favors". For example: "pick up my dry cleaning", "cook my dinner", or "shine my shoes". I'd still laugh. Let's try it out:

"I am going to come and burn the fucking house down...but you will pick up my dry cleaning first."

"You should just fucking smile and cook my dinner, because I deserve it!"

“I should’ve woken you up and said fucking shine my shoes bitch! I should’ve fucking woken you up and said shine my shoes! You would’ve liked that better, yeah? But you need the goddamn sleep!”

I do take objection to these audio tapes, but not for some of the reasons people may think. Whenever I make a bold, declarative statement, and Steve looks at me with raised eyebrows, I always respond with, "I'm just sayin'". It's my go-to expression.'s what I think about these audio tapes. And again, I do not like, support, agree with or defend Mel Gibson...I'm just sayin'...

1. Prior to the leaking of these tapes, Oksana Grigorieva was just a Russian homewrecking hussy whose name nobody could spell or pronounce. All anybody knew about her was that photos of her frolicking on the beach with Mel Gibson were the catalyst for ending Mel's nearly 30-year marriage. We also learned that she has a child with James Bond's Timothy Dalton. There's a name for women like her. To me, she's still that same hussy. I'm not saying she deserved to have her porcelain veneers knocked out. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes bad things happen to Oksana Grigorieva. I'm just sayin'...

2. I believe that if a conversation between two people that is believed to be private is being recorded, and only one person in the conversation is aware that it's being recorded, that is sketchy. The State of California agrees with me, because these tapes are inadmissible in court. I can't excuse anything that Mel said, but Oksana certainly benefits from being able to carefully select her words because she knows they're being recorded. She also benefits from pushing all the buttons to provoke a reaction from Mel. I'm just sayin...

3. Radar Online only released the portion of the phone conversations that include Mel's tirades. I am more than a little curious to hear what was said leading up to Mel's breakdown. Hypothetical example: If I post a video on Youtube showing me getting attacked by a swarm of bees, I look like a total victim. If I let you see the beginning of the tape, where I took a baseball bat to a beehive, that might explain things a little bit. I'm just sayin'...

4. For me, the sheer volume of the tapes lessens their impact. After the first two tapes, this just became pathetic. For starters, it shows that Oksana is regularly able to provoke Mel to this level of erratic behavior. And remember, we don't have the benefit of knowing what exactly prompted this reaction from Mel. Secondly, it's one thing to hear him lose his temper and go crazy once or twice, but the fact that he is capable of getting so aggressive, with the heavy breathing and screaming, and maintain that level of intensity for several minutes over several phone calls, I can't help but think that there must be other factors at play. Hearing one tape: I thought Mel was a pig and a monster. Hearing five tapes: I think about mental illness, psychological disturbance, drug and alcohol abuse. I would never let Mel Gibson babysit my child, and not just because I think he's a jerk. Something is wrong with him. After one tape, I believed that his acting career should be over, his parenting privileges should be revoked, and he should be shipped off to a-hole island. After five tapes, I think he needs to be institutionalized where he can receive professional help. I'm just sayin'.   

I think that Mel Gibson is a very broken human being, and that Oksana Grigorieva is an unsympathetic victim. Mel needs help and should have to face consequences for the things he's said and done, but they need to stop using the court of public opinion to argue Oksana's side of the story. I think this whole thing is sick. Funny t-shirt though, Jack Osbourne.

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