Chateau Samantha is Still Occupied

Apparently I provide such gracious and cozy accommodations that Robinson never wants to leave. I'm too nice to kick him out, so unless he comes to the decision to be born on his own, we're inducing on Thursday, July 22! I am comfortable with this because I like the number 22. The doc promised me that if we induce on July 22, I will have a baby in my arms on July 22. None of this making-me-labor-for-36-hours business. I'm grateful for that.

The baby and I are both doing well, so there is no medical reason to induce earlier. My doctor and I have agreed to try and let nature take its course. There are plenty of medical reasons to not want the pregnancy to continue beyond 41 weeks however, so that is why there is an induction date on the books just in case he doesn't get here the old fashioned way by the deadline.

I'm super sleepy today. That's why I haven't blogged about The Hills finale yet. George and I barely slept a wink last night, because around 3:30am, we both heard this really loud "boom" sound. I guess I've seen that ADT commercial too many times, because I immediately had an image of a strange man with pantyhose or a ski mask on his head trying to kick in my door to invade my home.

In my nightmares when this happens, I always try to hide or escape without the burglar seeing me. Also in my nightmares, I'm mute. When it happened in real life, George and I jumped out of bed and were running around hollerin' (I really tried to type "hollering" just now and I couldn't do it. Must be a southern thing). Well, I was hollerin'. George was barking. It was just the two of us. I couldn't believe the entire house didn't wake up. I made Steve join me in the investigation. Laney and Libby stayed in bed. They are the worst watch dogs ever. I felt kind of dumb later, because usually George runs around the house, barking all by himself and looking like a jackass and everybody just points and laughs at him, but last night we were both jackasses. It was like we had this one moment where we were on the same wavelength. Being on the same wavelength with George is about as cool as being on the same wavelength as Stimpy, so I might be losing my mind.

Also in "I've been pregnant forever" news, the friendly staff at Cache called to check on me because I haven't shopped in their store since December. They wanted to let me know there is a terrific sale going on now! In my pre-pregnancy days I was a loyal Cache shopper. What can I say, I'm a big fan of slutty cougarwear. Unfortunately, they don't manufacture their clothes in size: Goodyear blimp so I've had to do without.

I suspect they're calling because business is down. I had to finally unsubscribe to their email updates last week because they were sending me emails every single day. It just reeks of desperation, like Lady Gaga's publicity stunts. I haven't been donating my disposable income to their cash registers for the past seven months, and now they're probably gonna go bankrupt and I won't have a place to shop for MILF attire. The day I go to the mall and their store is closed will be a sad one.