Monday, August 9, 2010

That's Just the Epidural Talking

I've just about mined the topic of pregnancy and childbirth for all the blogging material possible. I have one, maybe two of these posts left in me. I apparently made a few colorful remarks during my time with the epidural. I'm not sure you can attribute it to the actual epidural.  You can decide for yourself:

To the Nurse Anesthesist administering my epidural, who asked me to describe the sensation of a needle in my spine as "sharp" or "pressure":

"It feels're all UP in my spine!"

To the Labor and Delivery Nurse, who gave me kudos for being a real trooper:

"I'm just trying really hard not to be a punk."

To my second Labor and Delivery Nurse, who asked me to describe how I was feeling after I indicated that I was in severe pain during hour ten or eleven of labor:

"I feel like my body has betrayed me."

[Blogger's Note: That nurse was at least 40 years old, and claimed that nobody had ever said that to her before.]

To my mom, who, after about an hour of watching me struggle through the pushing process, sweetly asks if I'd like her to pull my long hair into a ponytail:

"Absolutely not."

[Blogger's Note: by the time I was actually out of surgery and holding my baby, it was so late that most everybody had already gone home and I was too out-of-it to think of taking pictures, but I was told that my hair looked awesome. They even let me wear my hair down for my c-section instead of stuffing it into one of those blue caps!]

We watched 6 movies during my labor:
1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Old School (Frank's wedding reception featuring The Dan Band's performance of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was playing while my epidural was being administered)
4. Mean Girls
5. Anchor Man
6. Sweet Home Alabama

As it became time to push, Sweet Home Alabama was ending. The nurse thought this was weird, but I needed background noise and distraction and so I insisted Steve put on another DVD, and I didn't care what it was. His choice: Drop Dead Gorgeous, an indie flick/mockumentary/black comedy about a small-town beauty pageant starring Kirsten Dunst, Kirstie Alley, Ellen Barkin, Denise Richards, Brittany Murphy, and a then-unknown Amy Adams. So between pushes, I was being asked questions such as: "Is that Amy Adams?! Oh my God!"
To Steve, who, between pushes is watching Drop Dead Gorgeous and asks, "Is that Denise Richards?":

"Yes, this is Denise's finest work, and today we celebrate it!"

To the Labor and Delivery Nurse who, between pushes, strongly urges Steve to look (at you-know-what), despite Steve repeatedly declining her offer:

"Steve has expressed his wishes not to look, and I support that!"

[Blogger's Note: this statement is met with a look of gratitude from Steve, because it finally shut the nurse up]

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