I just need a minute, y'all:
It's no secret that I love my Us Weekly. The only day I check the mail is Thursday, so I can retrieve the newest issue as early as possible. Much to my chagrin, I was kept waiting an extra day this week (unacceptable!), so I was super excited to check the mail on Friday (don't judge me.) My excitement quickly turned to annoyance when Jennifer Lopez and her barely dressed, perma-glow body grinned at me from the cover. You're so smug, Jennifer.
I realize I totally sound like a Bitter Betty, and maybe it's just the third trimester talking, but allow me to clarify before I go: I [heart] pre-Bennifer Jennifer Lopez. I have no qualms about the fact that she's prettier and has more money than me, and has built an empire on what can best be described as marginal talent. But I roll my eyes when magazines like Us Weekly award her a meaningless title like "Style Icon of the Decade" and then ask her to share the secret of her success. I realize this is Us Weekly and that if substance is what I'm searching for I would be more satisfied reading a different periodical, but please stick to covering baby pictures, celebrity break-ups, and plastic surgery before-and-after stories. Don't parade a woman who has all the resources money can buy at her fingertips and try to tell me that she's extraordinary. Lucky, yes. But I expect her to look every bit this good. She's freakin' Jennifer Lopez!
Ok, I'm done.