Friday, July 8, 2011

Stillwell Angel

Remember "Stillwell Angel" from A League of their Own?
That little boy who behaved like a complete monster unless he was granted his beloved chocolate bars? Well, I have a "Stillwell Angel" on my hands, but instead of demanding chocolate bars...he demands my cell phone.

He won't accept any substitutes. It has to be my phone. And it's gotten to the point where I can't pull my phone out in his presence unless I'm willing to surrender it to him. I like to use the calculator on my phone to tabulate the cost of my groceries as I'm shopping. Not anymore. Robinson will confiscate it. Heaven help me if I actually need to talk on the phone while he's playing with it. He once came unglued while I was trying to talk to Steve, screaming so loudly I couldn't hear Steve, and I hissed at Robinson, "I do not negotiate with terrorists!" I'm taken by surprise by this turn of events. I know it's too early for the Terrible Two's (if eleven months isn't too early for the Terrible Two's, that's a very inaccurate characterization).
"Give me muh phone!"
What's a mom to do with a child who is feisty and opinionated; outspoken, yet inarticulate; and bent on global domination? Oh, and too smart to be fooled by slight of hand or other attempts at distraction. If I try to be sly and stuff the phone between two couch cushions for instance, he knows it's there. And he doesn't forget. When my little angel morphs into this feisty, furious creature, he is known as "Stewie Griffin". If Steve calls to check on us and I announce that "We have a Code: Stewie", he knows what that means--can't talk now, pick up dinner on the way home. And don't forget the booze.
Another thing, since it's hot, and he's a ragamuffin, I've taken to dressing him in those Huggies diapers that look like blue jeans, and nothing else. It's pretty cute. Then, this morning, I went into his room to greet him. I guess I kept him waiting for too long (while I was making his breakfast), because he had thrown his stuffed animals out of the crib, stripped off his diaper, and tossed the diaper out of the crib. He. Was. Pissed.

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