What Happens Next for Casey Anthony? | This Blogger Speculates

I consider humor to be a valid coping mechanism, and I would offer that it is a much healthier coping mechanism than drinking, binge eating, and forming an angry lynch mob to carry out a special brand of street justice that so many seem to think Casey Anthony deserves. The fact is, Casey was acquitted and State Attorney Jeff Ashton says we have to move on (I'm mostly talking to myself here, but if this helps you, too--I'm happy.)

Much has been made about where Casey will go after she's released from jail, and what she will do. Some of my friends made mention that they don't know much about Casey's background, so what happens in this next chapter is even more of a mystery. Allow me to summarize:

1. Boyfriends. Casey seemed to place a lot of importance on her romantic relationships (some theorize she murdered her daughter so she'd be free to shack with her boyfriend without her mother griping about being an "unfit mother"). All the guys she was banging at or around the time of her arrest have all moved away and testified for the prosecution. I don't think they want to date her anymore.

2. Girl Friends. Casey seemed to have trouble hanging on to female friends. She appeared to have two friends: Kristina and Amy. I don't know where Kristina has gone, but after Casey stole more than $700 from Amy Huizenga and was convicted of multiple felony counts of check fraud as a result, Casey has effectively burned that bridge. Amazing but true:: Casey stole $400 cash from Amy, but convinced Amy that Amy lost that $400 while sleepwalking. 

3. Family. Let's see...Casey's aunt, uncle, and grandmother have all gone on record as saying they believe Casey killed Caylee and that Casey is pretty much an awful person. The only people standing in Casey's corner were her brother and her parents. She stole money from her mom, accused her dad and brother of molestation, and her defense claimed that her father was the one who disposed of Caylee's remains in the swamp. I suppose anything is possible, but the prospect of Casey going back to the home she and Caylee shared with George and Cindy Anthony seems unlikely.

4. Marketable skills. Casey failed to complete high school, and the only job she ever had was when worked at a Kodak photo booth inside Universal Studios. She spent a couple years telling people she worked in the Events department, but that was a lie. 

So, that brings us to the burning question on people's minds: Where does an attractive young woman go when she has no education, no job skills, she's alienated her friends and brought shame to her family? 

That's right, Paris! The only place Casey would be welcome is in the world of reality television. Much has been made about Casey Anthony cashing in big on a book deal, but have we forgotten what happened the last time a high profile figure got away with murder and tried to profit off of a book about the crime?

People don't want to buy that kind of book.

Since that leaves nothing but reality television, allow me to pitch a few ideas. I asked Steve if it was too soon to crack jokes about Casey, and he assured me that it's not. So, I submit to you for your consideration:

The Simple Life: Pinellas County

Casey is on probation for at least a year from the time of her release, but I propose that she visit the county that is home to the esteemed jury who exonerated the murdering mom. She and Paris can rotate through the twelve jurors homes as their house guests, and during the day they will peform manual labor and other entry level jobs. Casey will gain valuable experience, learn a skill, and her wages can be garnished to help towards paying off her mountain of debt to the state of Florida. 

The Bachelorette
Casey has always attracted plenty of mail attention. Now we can watch as 25 eligible suitors vie for her affections.

Khloe and Kasey take Pinellas County
There's a theme here. I really want Casey to move to Pinellas County so she can hopefully live, work (ha, like she'll work) and shop at the local Target with the jurors who acquitted her. They think she's so innocent, she can move next door to them. I wonder if somewhere in Pinellas County, some nice resident is reading this  and muttering through clenched teeth, "Don't you put that on me, Samantha!" Kris Jenner can manage Kasey's career, and as she did with the sisters Kardashian before, she can market Kasey by plastering her name and face on a variety of products: "The Prison Diet", a style guide for how to be "Kourtroom Chic", etc. Kris is a genius. She'll think of something. And the proceeds from all these products (after Kris gets her cut, of course) will go to Tim Miller, whose non-profit Texas EquuSearch spent over $100,000 searching for a missing Caylee Anthony when Casey knew her whereabouts all along.

Better Kate Than Never
Who better than Kate Gosselin to teach a newly released Casey Anthony how to navigate a country where you are very famous, and everybody hates you? And, as an experienced mother, Casey can help look after the Gosselin children. Of course, at the end of each day the producers will need to take a head count. Kate Plus Seven isn't as catchy.

I'm with Jose

Like Roxie Hart and Billy Flynn, Casey and Jose are a dynamic duo. Now that Jose successfully secured Casey's freedom, will he feel some responsibility not to turn her out on the street? Watch as cameras capture Casey enjoying cozy accommodations as Jose's permanent house guest, à la Kato Kaelin.  Domestic hi-jinx ensue. Casey will "work" at the Baez Law Firm, but in Casey's world that means she'll just tell people she works there and go hang out at her boyfriend's apartment all day and watch him play video games with his friends.