Saturday, May 28, 2011

Not Blogging. Too Busy Watching the Casey Anthony Trial

I realize that since we last met, there is a new Biggest Loser, a new American Idol, a new Schwarzenegger child (in a related story, I can now spell Schwarzenegger without help), Oprah bid farewell to her show, somebody wants to marry a Kardashian, and thanks to the aforementioned Arnold, Tiger Woods' role as America's Most Despised Cheating Husband has been terminated (sorry, had to do it). Poor Tiger. He can't seem to be the best at anything this year.
Moving right along, I have not been paying attention to any of that stuff because of the Casey Anthony Murder Trial! Allow me to give a little background as it pertains to me watching trials:

Gavel to Gavel Obsession
My fascination with watching court trials began in 1994 with a slow-speed Bronco chase. Back when Nancy Grace looked more like this:
And not this:

Why, Nancy? Why? I promise, she didn't always screech and preach and sound like an overzealous lunatic. She was always bold, but she really had a gift for astute and biting observations. Those were the days. Now it's all...what was it, again, Nancy?

Booze...and hot pants! Of course! How could I forget? (Nancy's hilarity begins at 0:22)

During the summer of 1995, when I was 13, my mom and I watched the OJ trial on Court TV every day and recaps and commentary every night. Often while eating pepperoni and sausage pizza from Papa Joe's. No joke, every time I see a photo or clip from the OJ trial, I think of pizza. It's like, Pavlovian. I realize this isn't the sort of thing your typical 13-year-old pays attention to, but over the years I also watched Danielle van Dam's, Dr. Dirk Greineder's, and Rabbi Fred Neulander's murder trials, among others. So yeah, this ain't my first rodeo. I listen to the trial all day while I'm cooking, cleaning, exercising, and taking care of Robinson. I'm interested in the cases themselves, but also in observing the American criminal justice system at work. It may seem voyeuristic, but we as Americans have the right to a fair, public trial. I'm doing my part as the "public" to pay attention. Also, I think I'm an OK amateur lawyer. While listening to the attorneys question a witness, I have been known to shout out Objection: assumes facts not in evidence! while sweeping my kitchen floor, or Objection: calls for speculation! from my elliptical trainer. So, since I have nothing else to talk about, I'll probably post a little on this trial. You seem to prefer my posts in bite-size portions, so I'll try to be brief. Plus, if you actually care about the trial, you already set your DVR and have been reading articles online from legitimate news sources. This is just my rundown and color commentary, humbly served up for your consumption.

Analyze This
The analysts, oh the analysts. Many of the analysts, correspondents, and other pundits invited to discuss the Casey Anthony trial are familiar to me from watching televised trials over the years. Many of them (I'm looking at you, Vinnie Politan)
are like cartoon character versions of their former selves. It's as if their decaf coffee was secretly switched with espresso and the entire panel mainlined amphetamines before going on-air. Not only are they jittery and excitable, they love to sensationalize, speculate, rinse and repeat.  As such, they repeatedly refer to the "bombshell accusations" made in the Defense's opening arguments.
Beth Karas is my port in the storm, even if she does love to say "bombshell accusations". You know what? I love it too. Bombshell accusations. There, I said it again.
Then there's Sunny Hostin. Ugh. I don't know if she actually believes the shit that comes out of her mouth, or if she is trying to offer commentary from a skeptical defense attorney point of view, or if producers asked her to play devil's advocate, but when she starts talking, I start feeling like we aren't watching the same trial. Sidenote: She at times resembles actress Rosario Dawson. This isn't relevant, but as the trial progresses, I notice a lot of celebrity doppelgängers. You'll find out soon enough.
I like me some Dr. Casey Jordan, though. She's not only an attorney, but also a criminologist and behavioral therapist. I co-sign pretty much everything she says. Added bonus: she doesn't talk like she just ate a donut sprinkled with meth and dunked in a triple espresso. What I'm saying is, she's calm.

There, now that introductions and background info are out of the way, I can move on to the matter at hand.

Next Up: Bombshell Accusations

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