Monday, May 16, 2011

Conversations About Nothing

Seriously, if the lives of Steve, Robinson and me were a television show, it would be a show about nothing. So it would be either a quirky and loveable smash like Seinfeld...

...or it would be dreadfully tedious like The Real World: London. "This week, Jacinda buys a puppy. She names him "Legend". He pee-pee'd in their flat" [a bored-to-tears thirteen-year-old Samantha turns to ten-year-old Jarred and says "Please stab me."]
So here's a scene from last night in our house: Steve is on the patio, grilling steak, and I am cooking on the stove. Robinson is sitting in his high chair watching me. He's taking those Gerber Lil Crunchies (they're like cheesy poofs for babies), stuffing them in his mouth two at a time, and then spitting them out all over the place once they are a nasty, gummy mess. I have no time for that at the moment though, because I'm cooking potatoes and having this totally necessary conversation with Steve.

Ok, so when you read this, just imagine all 6-foot-2-inches of Steve bouncing around the kitchen all wound up like Tigger, and I am completely calm and expressionless and never bother to look up from what I'm doing.
Steve: Do we have a spray bottle?! For water?!
Me: Yes.
Steve: We have a spray bottle?
Me: Yes.
Steve: --For water?!
Me: Yes.
Steve: We have a spray bottle for water?!
Me: Yes.
[I reach into the cabinet under the sink for the spray bottle, and pass it over the counter to Steve, who cradles the spray bottle in hands like it's a gold chalice]
Steve: Why--do we have a spray bottle? For water?
Me: To mist my house plants.
Steve: Really? [we both glance at the house plant in question]
Regular misting is what makes it so...crispy. Oh, and while you're here, can somebody call "Time of Death" on this ivy? I can't do it. I'm not a doctor, I'm just an intern.

Steve runs back to the grill. I hear the sounds of vigorous spritzing, and then the air surrounding Steve turns steamy/smoky. So yeah, I think he was extinguishing a small fire. I guess that explains the urgency.

No comments:

Post a Comment