Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The "Why I Love Auburn Post" I Meant to Write

War Eagle, everybody! I'm pretty sure everyone watched the Iron Bowl on Friday, along with the encore broadcasts throughout the weekend, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention our triumph on my blog!
"Ugh, can we move on please? That game was like, FIVE days ago!" -Alabama fan

Last week I tried, without much success, to convey why and how I came to be an Auburn Girl. It turns out that to discuss one's love for Auburn and the Auburn rivalry with Alabama without offending Alabama fans is tough, and the diplomatic Libra that I am doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I strongly feel that even as rivalries exist, we should respect other people's alma maters. The sidewalk alumni can still suck it.

If only we could live in a world where after each Iron Bowl, we could all join hands--Auburn and Alabama fans united--and sing songs in perfect harmony, and share a Coke and a smile, and forget about how much we hate each other. I'm so full of shit today. Then I read Kurt Branch of Auburn fansite WarBlogle.com contribute his thoughts to the Blogger Roundtable of al.com. You can read the post in it's entirety here, but I'll share a few snippets from his post, because he expresses my thoughts even better than I did...and without insulting anybody! Perhaps he isn't plagued with insomnia and consumed by a four-month-old baby who runs his ass ragged? Or maybe he's just smarter than me. Or maybe I should never write about sports. Either way, read my two-cents in bold beside his quotes.

But first a disclaimer, so that I don't have to worry all day that my post hurt somebody's feelings: To Alabama Alumni and Family who read this: I have nothing but love and respect for you. Life is so cold in your shadow, please don't hate me for celebrating Auburn's day in the sun. xoxo
"We all know that Alabama has the larger fanbase, and we all know why that's the case, and it's not because Alabama has had so many more graduates than Auburn. It's human nature to want to pull for the team that has a storied history, lots of championships, and all that good stuff. So, if you have no ties to either school, why not pick Alabama? It's the easier road, right?" Yeah, I basically said that in my post--only in a more fragmented, less articulate way.

"No, I'm not implying that every person in the state who didn't go to college pulls for the Tide." Not EVERY person. "I know tons of people who pull for Auburn who never took a class anywhere. But in general, for the most part, most Auburn fans went to Auburn or have a deep connection to the school, while lots of Alabama fans do not have any real connection to the University of Alabama. They, or their parents, just picked the team that was considered more of a winner way back when. That's not a jab. It's human nature, it's numbers, and it's the honest truth, whether you want to believe it or not. A "jab" would be to say, "I wear this Auburn shirt because I went to Auburn, you wear that Alabama shirt because you went to Wal-Mart."
"I love the family feel, and I love the connection that I have with a good portion of Auburn fans. I also love the underdog role that Auburn is so often forced to deal with. I'm not conceding to the whole "little brother" idea that Bama fans are so quick to mention, but Auburn does oppose the state school, has the smaller (and fine with it) fanbase, and resides in an area that would never be confused for a bustling metropolis." I wish Bama fans would stop pointing out that Auburn is cow pasture-adjacent LIKE IT'S A BAD THING. It's like when I was a kid and other kids would call me a "redhead" as an insult. Auburn is rural and quaint and lovely. Not every university can be located in a city so impressive and beautiful as Tuscaloosa. It's our loss, but somehow we make do. "That being said, looking at the two schools only, there are no glaring differences in terms of statistics, awards, enrollment, etc. Needless to say, Auburn does more, or at least equal, with less."

"Not to mention, the Tigers just won their 700th game in their own storied history. Only twelve other teams in the history of college football can say they have accomplished that feat, so Auburn is by no means a second-tier team or school." Thanks, Kurt, I did not know that! I like how your opinions are backed up with facts, where as I just write about my feelings. I'm such a chick that way.

"Now what gets under my skin is when one of those many Alabama fans who didn't attend the school they pull for talks trash to me, as an actual Auburn graduate, using the word "we" when talking about the Tide. No sir, you didn't do anything. You didn't pay one dime, or sit in one class. Don't talk to me like you're better than me when I'm the only one pulling for the school I actually attended. This does not include you, Alabama graduates." It bears repeating: This does not include you, Alabama GRADUATES. "Although I do not agree with your school choice, you have all the right in the world to talk trash to me, make fun of me when Auburn loses, and take what I can dish out when Alabama loses. It is you that have done nothing but buy an Alabama t-shirt and then feel entitled to talk down at me or my school that I have a problem with." Amen! If I were an Alabama graduate, I would be aggravated by the "sidewalk alumni". Or maybe you get used to it. It's your beast of burden, Bama grads.

"Although it makes no sense, it's what makes the rivalry great, albeit infuriating at times. The whole state takes part, whether it's deserved or not, and gives everybody something to hold on to all year round." Um yeah, I find it mostly infuriating. I wish we lived in a world where the Auburn or Alabama fans were actual graduates of those universities, and the fans were respectful of one another and practiced good sportsmanship, and life was "rainbows and lollipops" all year round!

Thanksgiving Holiday: By The Numbers

Helloooo and Happy December! I haven't blogged in a week because I was in Alabama celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday. I need to stretch a bit before getting back to the blog, so here's a rundown of my trip...by the numbers.

Length of trip in days: 7
Outfits packed: 9
Hours spent driving from Dallas to Birmingham: 9.5
Time wasted in detours thanks to an unreliable "Starbucks Finder" phone app: 0.5
Dogs boarded at our local kennel: 2
Dogs reported to suffer from separation anxiety at said kennel, resulting in explosive diarrhea: 1
Dogs on hunger strike at kennel because she's pissed she wasn't included in our vacation: 1
Pounds of turkey breast purchased from Rudy's for Thanksgiving dinner: 4
Hitchikers spotted on the interstate: 1
Christmas CDs I forced Steve to listen to: 2
Iron Bowl parties attended: 2
"Tipsy Tiger" cocktails consumed at Iron Bowl party: 3
Friends visited: 20
Homecooked meals prepared by my loving mother: 4
Rounds of golf played (by Steve of course!): 1
Trips to Starbucks: 3
Hours spent driving from Birmingham to Dallas: 10
Pounds gained: 5

Friday, November 26, 2010

A Fun Little Rivalry?

As I've said before, the Iron Bowl is a day I just have to get through. Fans are so intense and take this rivalry to such a level that it isn't even fun for me. To me, a good rivalry is still fun. Some examples:

Seinfeld and Newman
"Chaos--it reduces us to jungle law"
Sue Sylvester and Will Schuester
"I relish the thought of another full year of constantly besting you"
Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag
"She can't come to my birthday!"
Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd
"I'm sowwy, Mr. Wabbit. I hope I didn't hurt you too much when I killed you."

Alabama and Auburn's rivalry isn't fun like these others. It's more like:

War of the Roses
Charlie Sheen and (Brooke Mueller, Denise Richards, a porn star, a hooker)
Boris and Natasha vs. Rocky and Bullwinkle

"We've been trying to kill moose and squirrel for 35 years."


I feel like, if Alabama fans were, collectively, presented with Auburn University in its entirety, and Auburn University had dynamite strapped to it and Crimson Tide fans were told "press the red button, and there'll be no more Auburn. No more rivalry. You will win every Iron Bowl by default until the end of time!" I think Bama fans would press the red button.

If Bama fans could pull a Snidely Whiplash and tie Auburn's football team to train tracks, I think they just might. 

What I'm saying is, it's not so much a "rivalry" as it is a "bitter hatred". I take no pleasure in celebrating "bitter hatred". Keep me out of it!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Thanksgiving Story According to Wednesday Addams

I love Peter MacNicol and Christine Baranski in Addams Family Values. They show us that "anyone, no matter how odd or pale or chubby, can still have a darn good time...whether they like it or not."

"White meat aaaand dark meat, take it away!"



Blogger's note: I'm pretty sure that the actress who plays David Krumholtz's mom (and delivers the line: "Twenty grand fuh summah camp, he's "Mistah Woo Woo") was also Bitsy von Muffling in Sex and the City. Yep, a quick IMDB search confirms. I am so smart.

Oh, and in case you want to teach your children "The Thanksgiving Story According to Wednesday Addams", here's a handy transcript:

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours.
Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations.
Your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs.
We will sell our bracelets by the roadsides.
You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres.
My people will have pain and degradation.
Your people will have stick shifts.
The gods of my tribe have spoken.
They have said, "Do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."
And for all these reasons, I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Auburn and Me: A Love Story

After the disaster that was Alabama/Auburn Day 1988, I always had a t-shirt for Alabama/Auburn day, and my decision of which team's colors I would wear was based on pleasing my constituents. I found that if I wore Auburn colors, other Auburn kids paid little attention, and Alabama kids were belligerent. If I wore Alabama colors, Auburn kids still paid little attention, and Alabama kids' behavior towards me was much more favorable. For those reasons, I called myself an "Alabama Fan" until middle school.

The truth was, over time I really had grown to prefer Auburn over Alabama. Auburn and LSU were both "Tigers", which felt natural, and as I was blossoming into womanhood, I couldn't help but recognize that Auburn's colors of orange and blue were much more flattering to my hair color and complexion than Alabama's crimson and white. Auburn was geographically further from Birmingham, which appealed to my independent side, and their fans, while warm and welcoming, generally didn't push their agenda on me. They weren't trying so hard to win me over, and I found their indifference alluring. It felt like Auburn was shrouded in a cloud of mystery. This intrigued me, and made me want Auburn all the more.

Auburn: The Mr. Big to my Carrie
 Did I choose Auburn based on colors, mascots, geography, and playing hard-to-get? Pretty much. I was a kid. How was I supposed to base my decision? I thought both schools were great, academically. I couldn't base my decision on their varied curriculum, because I didn't know what I wanted to be. I just knew where I wanted to be. Incidently, I still don't know what I want to be.

Most of my childhood friends were Alabama fans, and I tried really hard to be an Alabama fan. Crimson Tide football is exhilarating, the kinship that exists amongst the fans is evident and their enthusiasm is infectious. As a transplant into the state of Alabama, it would have been easier to become an Alabama fan. They have a rich tradition, including Bear Bryant and now 12 National Championships, and the most intense fans I have ever encountered. Why wouldn't I want to be a part of that? One could justify being an Alabama fan if for no other reason than it is easier to be "with them" than "against them".
"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day...would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?"

I could go on and on about why I chose Auburn instead of Alabama, but I'll let another "Sam" explain it. Sam Baldwin from Sleepless in Seattle, of course:
"Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together...and I knew it...it was like coming home...only to no home I'd ever known. It was like...magic. "

It was like magic, just like Tom Hanks said. I promised you a love story, and by George, you're getting a love story!

I visited Tuscaloosa and Auburn many times, and when I was in Auburn, I felt at home in my surroundings, and when Auburn won, I found myself caring more. During one visit to Auburn, I was attending the Iron Bowl as an Alabama fan, with Alabama fans, and Alabama won. I found myself gazing into Auburn's student section and wanting to be part of it. That's when I realized I'd rather lose with Auburn than win with Alabama. It's the only way to be an Auburn fan, since any Alabama fan will quickly point out that they are historically more victorious than Auburn. I guess my love for Auburn is less about the winning (though the winning is really fun) and more about the spirit of Auburn, the quaint and lovely town, and the people.
 "I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else."

As for the Iron Bowl? It's always a day I just have to get through. I have never enjoyed it. Whether the game is played in Tuscaloosa or Auburn, whether Auburn wins or loses, I always manage to wander past the wrong tailgate and get verbally assaulted and physically threatened. I don't have a thick enough skin to withstand the intensity. It's like staring at the sun.