New Layout. New Outlook.

Do we like the new blog layout? I think the design suits my personality and the tone of my blog better than the precious shabby chic layout previously did. It was much sweeter than I am. Plus, peacocks are kinda muh thang.

I am not sold on the font, but that's ok. I changed a lot in one day. Thanks for fabulous free layouts at The Cutest Blog on the Block! I don't know why I'm making a plug. I don't get paid to promote anything on my blog. But a little gratitude is always nice; it's a nice break from the typical snark I sling around here.

Speaking of snark, thank you for letting me get the rest of my Casey Anthony hostility out of my system! After seeing her in court today, the day she clearly thought she'd be released--note the Snooki pouf she's sporting--

It's like Elvira-meets-Snooki-meets-Amy Winehouse with a shit-eating grin and a cable knit sweater (as you wear in Orlando in July). Some reporters were sitting in front of George and Cindy Anthony during today's proceedings and they had the opportunity to overhear their chit-chat. George and Cindy were going on about how long Casey's hair has gotten, and how pretty she looks. 

That's it. I'm done. She's a baby killer. She got away with murder. She has a wacked-out family. They can have each other. Would you like to know what I've been accomplishing--and what I should have been accomplishing--in the time I've wasted watching this stupid trial?

1. I finished reading Bossypants by Tina Fey. Loved it.
2. I purchased new sheets. Restoration Hardware was having a sale. 
3. I ordered the invitations for Robinson's birthday party
4. I redesigned my blog
5. I wrote about 7 blog posts
6. I cooked dinner for my family
7. I watched a movie with Robinson. Or tried. He's pretty squirmy.
8. I resumed logging my daily food intake on MyFitnessPal.com. And not a moment too soon. I was unknowingly eating about 2,500 calories a day! Body by Sargento.
9. I worked on Robinson's Shutterfly baby book. 

That's kind of it so far. But I need to work out and finish planning Rob's party. And for Heaven's sake, step away from the dairy products!

What Happens Next for Casey Anthony? | This Blogger Speculates

I consider humor to be a valid coping mechanism, and I would offer that it is a much healthier coping mechanism than drinking, binge eating, and forming an angry lynch mob to carry out a special brand of street justice that so many seem to think Casey Anthony deserves. The fact is, Casey was acquitted and State Attorney Jeff Ashton says we have to move on (I'm mostly talking to myself here, but if this helps you, too--I'm happy.)

Much has been made about where Casey will go after she's released from jail, and what she will do. Some of my friends made mention that they don't know much about Casey's background, so what happens in this next chapter is even more of a mystery. Allow me to summarize:

1. Boyfriends. Casey seemed to place a lot of importance on her romantic relationships (some theorize she murdered her daughter so she'd be free to shack with her boyfriend without her mother griping about being an "unfit mother"). All the guys she was banging at or around the time of her arrest have all moved away and testified for the prosecution. I don't think they want to date her anymore.

2. Girl Friends. Casey seemed to have trouble hanging on to female friends. She appeared to have two friends: Kristina and Amy. I don't know where Kristina has gone, but after Casey stole more than $700 from Amy Huizenga and was convicted of multiple felony counts of check fraud as a result, Casey has effectively burned that bridge. Amazing but true:: Casey stole $400 cash from Amy, but convinced Amy that Amy lost that $400 while sleepwalking. 

3. Family. Let's see...Casey's aunt, uncle, and grandmother have all gone on record as saying they believe Casey killed Caylee and that Casey is pretty much an awful person. The only people standing in Casey's corner were her brother and her parents. She stole money from her mom, accused her dad and brother of molestation, and her defense claimed that her father was the one who disposed of Caylee's remains in the swamp. I suppose anything is possible, but the prospect of Casey going back to the home she and Caylee shared with George and Cindy Anthony seems unlikely.

4. Marketable skills. Casey failed to complete high school, and the only job she ever had was when worked at a Kodak photo booth inside Universal Studios. She spent a couple years telling people she worked in the Events department, but that was a lie. 

So, that brings us to the burning question on people's minds: Where does an attractive young woman go when she has no education, no job skills, she's alienated her friends and brought shame to her family? 

That's right, Paris! The only place Casey would be welcome is in the world of reality television. Much has been made about Casey Anthony cashing in big on a book deal, but have we forgotten what happened the last time a high profile figure got away with murder and tried to profit off of a book about the crime?

People don't want to buy that kind of book.

Since that leaves nothing but reality television, allow me to pitch a few ideas. I asked Steve if it was too soon to crack jokes about Casey, and he assured me that it's not. So, I submit to you for your consideration:

The Simple Life: Pinellas County

Casey is on probation for at least a year from the time of her release, but I propose that she visit the county that is home to the esteemed jury who exonerated the murdering mom. She and Paris can rotate through the twelve jurors homes as their house guests, and during the day they will peform manual labor and other entry level jobs. Casey will gain valuable experience, learn a skill, and her wages can be garnished to help towards paying off her mountain of debt to the state of Florida. 

The Bachelorette
Casey has always attracted plenty of mail attention. Now we can watch as 25 eligible suitors vie for her affections.

Khloe and Kasey take Pinellas County
There's a theme here. I really want Casey to move to Pinellas County so she can hopefully live, work (ha, like she'll work) and shop at the local Target with the jurors who acquitted her. They think she's so innocent, she can move next door to them. I wonder if somewhere in Pinellas County, some nice resident is reading this  and muttering through clenched teeth, "Don't you put that on me, Samantha!" Kris Jenner can manage Kasey's career, and as she did with the sisters Kardashian before, she can market Kasey by plastering her name and face on a variety of products: "The Prison Diet", a style guide for how to be "Kourtroom Chic", etc. Kris is a genius. She'll think of something. And the proceeds from all these products (after Kris gets her cut, of course) will go to Tim Miller, whose non-profit Texas EquuSearch spent over $100,000 searching for a missing Caylee Anthony when Casey knew her whereabouts all along.

Better Kate Than Never
Who better than Kate Gosselin to teach a newly released Casey Anthony how to navigate a country where you are very famous, and everybody hates you? And, as an experienced mother, Casey can help look after the Gosselin children. Of course, at the end of each day the producers will need to take a head count. Kate Plus Seven isn't as catchy.

I'm with Jose

Like Roxie Hart and Billy Flynn, Casey and Jose are a dynamic duo. Now that Jose successfully secured Casey's freedom, will he feel some responsibility not to turn her out on the street? Watch as cameras capture Casey enjoying cozy accommodations as Jose's permanent house guest, à la Kato Kaelin.  Domestic hi-jinx ensue. Casey will "work" at the Baez Law Firm, but in Casey's world that means she'll just tell people she works there and go hang out at her boyfriend's apartment all day and watch him play video games with his friends.

Casey Anthony's Guide to Getting Away with Murder

Yesterday, I attempted to process my feelings about the Casey Anthony verdict. Catch up here. Today, I want to talk about what I've learned.

Just because Casey Anthony never finished high school doesn't mean she can't teach us anything. We can't prevent future murders (only Dr. Sam Beckett can do that), but maybe we can prevent future miscarriages of justice if we explore the techniques employed by people who artfully dodge conviction.

Cindy thinks Casey and Caylee are having a blast at Busch Gardens. Or are they?

1. Construct a story to explain your victim's absence. If a murderer's greatest enemy is the person who will question the victim's absence, time is the murderer's best friend. The more time that passes between a victim's last sighting and when a victim is recognized as missing, the more time is allowed for evidence to deteriorate or be destroyed and for the victim's trail to go cold. Casey constructed a web of lies to excuse Caylee's absence from grandmother Cindy for 31 days. If not for the discovery of her car in the impound, Casey could have continued the charade even longer. Create a scenario to explain a lengthy absence, and then put physical distance between yourself and those Nosy Nellies who would file those pesky Missing Persons Reports and avoid detection. See: John List, Drew Peterson, Michelle Pulsifer

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

2. Lie. Lie about the important stuff. Lie about the unimportant stuff. Lie about lying. Change your lies. Keep your lies consistent. Lie shrewdly. Lie absurdly. Investigators will exhaust all their resources disproving your lies, and by the time they're done, guess what? They still won't know the truth. And lying to law enforcement doesn't carry a huge penalty, so what's the big deal anyway? See: Susan Smith, Diane Downs

She's can't possibly be this sexy and this evil!

3. Be sexy. While you're at it, be Caucasian. I've noticed that ugly people don't get away with crimes as much as pretty people. Go ahead, think of an ugly person who got away with murder. Now, if I had to graph the importance of attractiveness in beating a murder rap, there would be a curve on the graph to illustrate that the attractiveness required decreases as the murderer's wealth or fame increases. See: Robert Blake, O.J. Simpson. Now, the victim's attractiveness, social standing and wealth also plays a role. If the victim is sexier than the murderer, there is a power-flip. See: Phil Spector

4. Harness the power of the "CSI Effect". We watch Catherine Willows lift a latent finger print from a shattered glass bottle that has been painstakingly reconstructed, and we feel like experts on crime solvin'. We expect every crime scene to contain evidence that will point to the killer. The absence of such evidence can only mean that there is no killer, and therefore no crime, or at least that the defendant is not the killer. The star witness for the Casey Anthony defense was DNA, or rather, the absence of DNA. That's the funny thing about dumping your toddler in a swamp to rot for six months--the elements destroy latent finger prints and other DNA evidence! So, dispose of your victim in some godforsaken dump (bonus points if it's hurricane season). Then your attorney can argue incredulously that you couldn't have possibly committed the crime--where are your finger prints?! We don't know for sure how Caylee died, when Caylee died, and when Caylee was dumped in the swamp, so if you're one of Casey's jurors, you concluded that there was no murder. Genius. If you're a really smart murderer (or really lucky) you'll dispose of your victim in such a way that they'll never be recovered. Or recovered, but unidentified. Or recovered and identified, but no connection between killer and murder weapon. Case dismissed! See: Natalee Holloway, The Boy in the Box, Lizzie Borden.

"Casey may have hated Cindy more than she loved Caylee" - Shirley Plesea, Casey's grandmother

5. Don't have an obvious motive. Legally, demonstrating a motive is not required to convict someone of murder. But golly, it helps! Jurors crave motive. Give 'em a jilted lover, a husband with a secret double life, a wackadoo with an overwhelming need to impress Jodie Foster. Anything. These murder motives are as old as they are vast. Every murder has a motive, even if the motive is simply the desire take a life. Commit a murder for reasons nobody can understand, and despite a mountain of evidence, a jury just doesn't want to convict.

"I am SUCH a good liar!"  

6. The Spaghetti Defense. Throw every conceivable defense against the wall and see what sticks. You only need one element to create one seed of doubt in one juror and presto! Not guilty. The "Follow the duct tape-She didn't do it-it was an accident-she wasn't there when the accident happened-her father found the body-the meter reader hid the body-the father disposed of the body the way he buried the family pets-she behaved inappropriately because her father molested her-she acted weird because her brother molested her-she lied because her dysfunctional family raised her to lie-the trunk smelled like decomposition because she kept garbage in her trunk-all the forensic science against her is "junk science"-she never made chloroform-her mother did the Internet searches for "chloroform"-she never touched the duct tape-her father is framing her-REASONABLE DOUBT LIVES HERE..." is the new "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

P.S. Thank you, Nancy Grace for speculating that Casey Anthony spends her money on "cases of beer and push-up bras". "Cases of beer and push-up bras" is the new "Booze and hot pants!"

Letting Go of the Casey Anthony Trial

Allow me the next few posts to decompress. The Casey Anthony trial has consumed my days for the past seven weeks, and I'm not thrilled with the outcome. I watched every day of the trial, except when I was on vacation. Then I stayed informed by following @VinniePolitan on Twitter. Yeah. I'm that girl.

Convinced of Casey's guilt three years ago, I made the decision to view the trial through the eyes of a juror. That is, I set aside my prior knowledge of the case.  I wanted to see if I would find her guilty based only on what was presented at trial. Also, it's a terrible thing to murder one's child; it wouldn't be so horrible if compelling evidence exists proving a young mother didn't kill her child. I would have loved to be proven wrong.

By the time closing arguments concluded, I felt confident the state had proven it's case and that Casey Anthony had murdered her daughter. I believed this beyond a reasonable doubt. I predicted she would be convicted of the lesser charge of manslaughter, (a compromise among the jury perhaps?) and she would ultimately serve five to fifteen years in prison. It would appear that what I know about the American justice system can fit in the palm of my hand.

Before I sum up my thoughts on this trial, I'd like to acknowledge the judge and attorneys. I'll miss Judge Perry most of all...

Judge Belvin Perry is an extraordinary man. He is smart, he keeps the trial running smoothly, the circus antics were at a minimum, and as characters go, he possessed this quiet charm and reminded me of a cross between Cliff Huxtable and Stanley from The Office. When he gets angry, he speaks slowly, draws out certain words, and punches the occasional word up as he bounces in his seat. Kind of the way Cliff Huxtable would talk when admonishing Theo or Vanessa for being sassy. Also, not to diminish His Honor (because I do respect him), he has adorable facial expressions:

"Do you know what would have happened, sir, if some of the members of the jury had seen...you...extending...your...middle...finger...of affection to Mr. Ashton?"

That was when he was addressing 28-year-old TGI Friday's server Matthew Bartlett, sentenced to six days in jail for contempt of court after he made an obscene gesture in court. That was an unexpected treat. You can view a video summary here.

Assistant State Attorneys Jeff Ashton and Linda Drane-Burdick were like a real life DA Jack McCoy and Serena Southerlyn from Law & Order

This was Jeff Ashton's final trial before retiring (what a way to go). I am in awe of the fabulous Linda Drane-Burdick. I think even Jose Baez was impressed with her. I would observe them during sidebars and recesses, and they appeared to have a camaraderie.

There was almost a Sam and Diane kind of tension and chemistry. I said almost. He's totes* buying her a cocktail after this.

I was astounded by the seeming incompetence of Jose Baez. I felt he was in over his head. I wondered if he purchased his law degree at a strip mall. At one point in the trial, he had to object to himself, and ask that his own line of questioning be stricken from the record because he lost his way and was asking the wrong questions. Yeah. That happened. Within a week or two of the trial, I was convinced that Casey would be convicted, and that she would be granted a new trial on the basis of ineffective counsel. I wondered if that was Jose's strategy. That's how bad I thought he was. It was like she was being defended by My Cousin Vinny. 

And, in the end, the trial kind of did mirror the movie. Just like Vinny, Jose won. (Oops, I should have warned: Spoiler!)

So...we can talk about how there is no justice for Caylee. We can quip that murder is legal in Florida. I would submit that murder isn't legal in Florida, but that one can get away with murder, if one takes the proper steps and selects a jury that is willing to laugh in the face of common sense.

We can criticize the jurors:

• A couple have less than a 12th grade education. 
• At least four of them are childless (I would offer that childless people are less judgmental of others' parenting skills. I know I was.)
• At least two have been arrested at some time
• One didn't want to be on the jury because she "doesn't like to judge people"
• One believes strongly in "second chances", having a sister who once tied up their father and robbed him. 
• One of them has big plans involving a cruise ship that would be ruined if this trial didn't end soon

It's been said that "a jury of our peers" is in actuality a group of people "too stupid to get out of jury duty." My mom has served on a jury. I would willingly serve, but I've never been summoned. Steve has avoided jury duty by never registering to vote, which until recently was the only way names were submitted to the jury pool. I have friends who have been summoned to jury duty and done everything, up to and including telling a group of African American attorneys that she is a racist in order to be excused from serving as a juror in what promised to be a lengthy trial. For the record, my friend doesn't have a problem with black people. She has a problem with fulfilling her civic duties.

Getting back to this jury, here is my summary of all of the evidence that the prosecution presented with expert testimony that these twelve jurors had to unanimously disregard in order to come to a verdict of "Not Guilty":

1. For 31 days, Casey told her mother Cindy that she and Caylee were travelling to various areas of Florida on business (she didn't have a job) with a babysitter, a co-worker, a potential love interest, and other children (all of whom don't exist).
2. Casey is seen on surveillance video at Blockbuster video acting "normal" and "happy" renting movies with her boyfriend on the day Caylee died.
3. Casey shacked with her boyfriend, partied, participated in a "hot body" contest, and got a tattoo on her shoulder that says "Bella Vita" ("the beautiful life") during the 31 days Caylee wasn't reported missing. 
4. Casey accused "Zanny" the nanny of kidnapping Caylee. Zanny does not exist.
5. Google searches for "how to make chloroform", "neck breaking", and other diabolical searches were found on the hard drive of the Anthony home computer at a time when only Casey was home. 
6. Traces of chloroform were found in the trunk of Casey's car
7. The smell of human decomposition was recognized by many members of law enforcement, crime scene investigators, forensic experts, and Casey's own parents.
8. A hair containing Caylee's mitochondrial DNA that featured a "death band", a characteristic only found in hair shed from a dead body, was found in Casey's trunk
9. One or two days after Caylee's death, a neighbor witnessed Casey back her car into the garage (something he'd never seen her do before) and ask him to borrow a shovel.
10. Caylee's skeletal remains were found in the Anthony neighborhood, a quarter-mile from their home. The skull was found with duct tape over the mouth. The duct tape was from an uncommon tape manufacturer consistent with a roll in the Anthony's home. 
11. Caylee's body was inside a trash bag that was inside a laundry bag that coordinated with another laundry bag in the Anthony home, with clothing Casey had dressed her in but Cindy had never seen before, and a Winnie the Pooh blanket from Caylee's bedroom.
12. A crime scene investigator observed adhesive residue in the shape of a heart on the duct tape, indicating that somebody placed a heart-shaped sticker over Caylee's mouth.
13. The medical examiner testified that in the case of accidental drownings (which the defense maintained was the cause of Caylee's death) family members do not conceal the accident to make it appear to be a murder. At no time is it appropriate to place duct tape on a child's face.

Ok, so obviously that is not all of the evidence that the state presented against Casey Anthony, but this is the bulk of what I considered to be damning evidence. In fact, when discussing the case with my mom, I said that I would be willing to indulge the Defense and cast aside over half of this evidence and I would still come to a conclusion of guilt. Forget the sticker, forget the shovel, forget the computer searches. I believed there was duct tape on Caylee's mouth, that she was tossed in the swamp with items from the Anthony home, and that prior to being dumped in the swamp she spent time in Casey's trunk. I felt she could easily be convicted of manslaughter. Obviously the jury saw something I didn't.

Just to reiterate: ALL TWELVE JURORS had to disregard all thirteen facts I listed above in order to find Casey not guilty. ALL THIRTEEN!

Ok, so that's my summary of the key players and the evidence. Next we'll explore the steps one might take to get away with murder like Casey Anthony did.

*totes is short for totally. I like to occasionally toss in some fresh slang terms the kids are using. You know, to help my blog appeal to a hip young audience.

Far Behind

I have all but abandoned blogging in recent weeks, which was noticed by exactly no one. I feel the need to acknowledge my lapse in postings just the same. It feels awkward to resume blogging as if no time has passed and there has been no absence. Also, my writing muscles are so rusty, I feel like I need to take an English Composition course. Consider this my awkward attempt at a segue.

I have neglected my blog terribly over the past couple of months. I've neglected my diet and exercise regimen as well. But I haven't neglected my child, so let's be glad for that! I've been travelling and on vacation, and have eaten so much fried crap over the past couple weeks, I confessed to my pal Amy that I feel as though I've got bacon grease running through my veins and that I've been carved out of dough. She suggested I try the Paleo diet to jump start my weight loss. No carbs, no sugar, no dairy, no joy. But the occasional shot of vodka. This diet may be good for my blog as well as my waistline. I can write during the time I would have spent eating bread. And maybe my writing will be more colorful because I could be a little bit drunk.

Although my life has been eventful enough over the past month to inspire plenty of posts, I didn't have the opportunity to write about the events as they were happening. Time is the enemy of this blogger. I need to write about things immediately. I don't know if I can muster the enthusiasm or carve out the time to write about things that happened weeks ago. But I'll try. In the mean time, I'll attempt to get back on track with the blogging from this moment forward.

As I'm typing this, I'm hearing from Vinnie Politan that the Casey Anthony jury has reached a verdict, which will be read in open court at 2:15PM Eastern time. So, whoever chose 10 hours 40 minutes of jury deliberation in their Verdict Watch pool (don't act like you didn't make a wager) is the winner. I had predicted that deliberations would last longer than 8 hours but would conclude before the end of the second day. So I was right. Better find a TV (tune into HLN or TruTv) and if you're at work, check out streaming video at the Orlando Sentinel site.

Bombshell Accusations

To summarize the Defense's case (chock-full of bombshell accusations, and not facts or beliefs that I personally hold to be true): The reason Casey didn't report Caylee missing for 30 days was because she was never missing. And she isn't guilty of murder, because there was no murder.

Blogger's Note: If you believe any of that, I've got some Florida swampland to sell you.

According to defense attorney Jose Baez, Caylee accidentally drowned in the family pool June 16, 2008. Casey's father, George Anthony discovered Caylee in the pool, and assisted in concealing her accidental death. Why would George do this? Why does Casey go about her life as if nothing was wrong? Because she was "raised to lie" and spent her entire life concealing the unspeakable acts of sexual abuse she allegedly endured from her father and, to a lesser extent, her brother.

Blogger's Note: George Anthony and Lee Anthony have never been charged with such crimes.

So, Casey is damaged and has issues that cause her to behave in ways that appear...inappropriate for a grieving mother. But it isn't her fault. She copes by disassociating and compartmentalizing her life.

This is what "disassociating" and "compartmentalizing" looks like, in case you were curious. Taken four days after Caylee's death.

Regarding the discovery of Caylee's body, that meter reader Roy Kronck was a "morally bankrupt" man who had found Caylee's body, then hid Caylee's body, for a time, then placed her in an area for him to "find" Caylee's body and collect on a reward. Did you get all that?

This opening argument is very incendiary. Lead Defense attorney Jose Baez can take liberties with his opening arguments, but in order to win an acquittal, he will have to support these stunning accusations with testimony or evidence. Methinks Mr. Baez has written a check with his mouth that his ass can't cash. Stay tuned.

Blogger's Note: I will fully disclose that I am firmly planted in the camp that believes Casey Anthony is guilty of murder, and that nothing in Jose Baez's opening arguments designed to explain away the crime is truthful or accurate. If Casey made up these stories of incest to save herself, she's disgusting. Disgusting like a baby killer. 

Next up: Witnesses for the Prosecution and a colorful cast of characters

Not Blogging. Too Busy Watching the Casey Anthony Trial

I realize that since we last met, there is a new Biggest Loser, a new American Idol, a new Schwarzenegger child (in a related story, I can now spell Schwarzenegger without help), Oprah bid farewell to her show, somebody wants to marry a Kardashian, and thanks to the aforementioned Arnold, Tiger Woods' role as America's Most Despised Cheating Husband has been terminated (sorry, had to do it). Poor Tiger. He can't seem to be the best at anything this year.

Moving right along, I have not been paying attention to any of that stuff because of the Casey Anthony Murder Trial! Allow me to give a little background as it pertains to me watching trials:


Gavel to Gavel Obsession
My fascination with watching court trials began in 1994 with a slow-speed Bronco chase. Back when Nancy Grace looked more like this:

And not this:

Why, Nancy? Why? I promise, she didn't always screech and preach and sound like an overzealous lunatic. She was always bold, but she really had a gift for astute and biting observations. Those were the days. Now it's all...what was it, again, Nancy?


Booze...and hot pants! Of course! How could I forget? (Nancy's hilarity begins at 0:22)

During the summer of 1995, when I was 13, my mom and I watched the OJ trial on Court TV every day and recaps and commentary every night. Often while eating pepperoni and sausage pizza from Papa Joe's. No joke, every time I see a photo or clip from the OJ trial, I think of pizza. It's like, Pavlovian. I realize this isn't the sort of thing your typical 13-year-old pays attention to, but over the years I also watched Danielle van Dam's, Dr. Dirk Greineder's, and Rabbi Fred Neulander's murder trials, among others. So yeah, this ain't my first rodeo. I listen to the trial all day while I'm cooking, cleaning, exercising, and taking care of Robinson. I'm interested in the cases themselves, but also in observing the American criminal justice system at work. It may seem voyeuristic, but we as Americans have the right to a fair, public trial. I'm doing my part as the "public" to pay attention. Also, I think I'm an OK amateur lawyer. While listening to the attorneys question a witness, I have been known to shout out Objection: assumes facts not in evidence! while sweeping my kitchen floor, or Objection: calls for speculation! from my elliptical trainer. So, since I have nothing else to talk about, I'll probably post a little on this trial. You seem to prefer my posts in bite-size portions, so I'll try to be brief. Plus, if you actually care about the trial, you already set your DVR and have been reading articles online from legitimate news sources. This is just my rundown and color commentary, humbly served up for your consumption.


Analyze This
The analysts, oh the analysts. Many of the analysts, correspondents, and other pundits invited to discuss the Casey Anthony trial are familiar to me from watching televised trials over the years. Many of them (I'm looking at you, Vinnie Politan)

are like cartoon character versions of their former selves. It's as if their decaf coffee was secretly switched with espresso and the entire panel mainlined amphetamines before going on-air. Not only are they jittery and excitable, they love to sensationalize, speculate, rinse and repeat.  As such, they repeatedly refer to the "bombshell accusations" made in the Defense's opening arguments.

Beth Karas is my port in the storm, even if she does love to say "bombshell accusations". You know what? I love it too. Bombshell accusations. There, I said it again.

Then there's Sunny Hostin. Ugh. I don't know if she actually believes the shit that comes out of her mouth, or if she is trying to offer commentary from a skeptical defense attorney point of view, or if producers asked her to play devil's advocate, but when she starts talking, I start feeling like we aren't watching the same trial. Sidenote: She at times resembles actress Rosario Dawson. This isn't relevant, but as the trial progresses, I notice a lot of celebrity doppelgängers. You'll find out soon enough.

I like me some Dr. Casey Jordan, though. She's not only an attorney, but also a criminologist and behavioral therapist. I co-sign pretty much everything she says. Added bonus: she doesn't talk like she just ate a donut sprinkled with meth and dunked in a triple espresso. What I'm saying is, she's calm.

There, now that introductions and background info are out of the way, I can move on to the matter at hand.

Next Up: Bombshell Accusations