Thursday, July 7, 2011

We Did it Steve's Way | Robinson's First Haircut

I had ideas about how Robinson's first haircut would play out. I would wait until he was about 14 months old. I had no real reason for choosing that age. I just thought it seemed like a good age for a first haircut. He would be old enough to have grown sufficient hair to be cut, and we wouldn't be cutting his hair so early as to make him look like a toddler prematurely, and we wouldn't be delaying the haircut to such an age as to tread into Kate Hudson territory:
That's a little boy.

I may occasionally dress in the style of "boho chic", but I am not one of those hippie people who doesn't believe in short hair on little boys. And my husband doesn't believe in bowl cuts. So there's our philosophy on boys' hair.

Sidenote: at a baby shower earlier this year, I pointed out to Amy that celebrity spawn Ryder Robinson is the child of actress Kate Hudson and rocker Chris Robinson and that Amy's baby's name is Hudson and my baby's name is Robinson and she and I are the best of friends and isn't that interesting? Amy says that this isn't interesting, but she isn't at all surprised that I would think of this.

Robinson's first haircut came earlier than anticipated for three reasons:

1. He grew the oh-so-desirable "baby mullet"
2. He was mistaken for a little girl by a well-meaning restaurant patron.

3. His hair is always falling into his eyes, like the Looney Tunes quail

I mean, did you see that last picture? It looked like he'd already had his hair cut...with a Suck Kut...
"It certainly does suck..."

So, back when I planned for Robinson's perfect first haircut at the perfect age of 14 months, I wanted to take him to a perfect stylist I once worked with named Savanh. Savanh is super fabulous and a very talented stylist. She cuts adults' hair, but the adults love her so much, and she is so wonderful with children, her adult clients bring their children to her. She takes her time and lovingly creates personalized styles for each and every tot who sits in her chair. She charges $35 for a kid's hair cut. That's high for a kid's cut, but she's worth it. Steve had other ideas involving a trip to Great Clips. Marriage is about compromise, so I gave in without protest. Ok, maybe I rolled my eyes.




 And if I wet his hair and style it, it looks like this for a little while:
...before it morphs into what I affectionately refer to as "The Friar Tuck":
So yeah, I love the haircut. You know what's the weirdest part? He has this "big boy haircut" that makes him look like he's two years old, but he doesn't act like a sophisticated toddler on the brink of preschool. He still grunts and snorts and swipes at my coffee mug, spilling my coffee on my lap like a demon cave baby. His baby behavior betrays his grown-up appearance. It's off-putting.

Casey Anthony's Guide to Getting Away with Murder

Yesterday, I attempted to process my feelings about the Casey Anthony verdict. Catch up here. Today, I want to talk about what I've learned.

Just because Casey Anthony never finished high school doesn't mean she can't teach us anything. We can't prevent future murders (only Dr. Sam Beckett can do that), but maybe we can prevent future miscarriages of justice if we explore the techniques employed by people who artfully dodge conviction.
Cindy thinks Casey and Caylee are having a blast at Busch Gardens. Or are they?
1. Construct a story to explain your victim's absence. If a murderer's greatest enemy is the person who will question the victim's absence, time is the murderer's best friend. The more time that passes between a victim's last sighting and when a victim is recognized as missing, the more time is allowed for evidence to deteriorate or be destroyed and for the victim's trail to go cold. Casey constructed a web of lies to excuse Caylee's absence from grandmother Cindy for 31 days. If not for the discovery of her car in the impound, Casey could have continued the charade even longer. Create a scenario to explain a lengthy absence, and then put physical distance between yourself and those Nosy Nellies who would file those pesky Missing Persons Reports and avoid detection. See: John List, Drew Peterson, Michelle Pulsifer

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
2. Lie. Lie about the important stuff. Lie about the unimportant stuff. Lie about lying. Change your lies. Keep your lies consistent. Lie shrewdly. Lie absurdly. Investigators will exhaust all their resources disproving your lies, and by the time they're done, guess what? They still won't know the truth. And lying to law enforcement doesn't carry a huge penalty, so what's the big deal anyway? See: Susan Smith, Diane Downs

She's can't possibly be this sexy and this evil!
3. Be sexy. While you're at it, be Caucasian. I've noticed that ugly people don't get away with crimes as much as pretty people. Go ahead, think of an ugly person who got away with murder. Now, if I had to graph the importance of attractiveness in beating a murder rap, there would be a curve on the graph to illustrate that the attractiveness required decreases as the murderer's wealth or fame increases. See: Robert Blake, O.J. Simpson. Now, the victim's attractiveness, social standing and wealth also plays a role. If the victim is sexier than the murderer, there is a power-flip. See: Phil Spector

4. Harness the power of the "CSI Effect". We watch Catherine Willows lift a latent finger print from a shattered glass bottle that has been painstakingly reconstructed, and we feel like experts on crime solvin'. We expect every crime scene to contain evidence that will point to the killer. The absence of such evidence can only mean that there is no killer, and therefore no crime, or at least that the defendant is not the killer. The star witness for the Casey Anthony defense was DNA, or rather, the absence of DNA. That's the funny thing about dumping your toddler in a swamp to rot for six months--the elements destroy latent finger prints and other DNA evidence! So, dispose of your victim in some godforsaken dump (bonus points if it's hurricane season). Then your attorney can argue incredulously that you couldn't have possibly committed the crime--where are your finger prints?! We don't know for sure how Caylee died, when Caylee died, and when Caylee was dumped in the swamp, so if you're one of Casey's jurors, you concluded that there was no murder. Genius. If you're a really smart murderer (or really lucky) you'll dispose of your victim in such a way that they'll never be recovered. Or recovered, but unidentified. Or recovered and identified, but no connection between killer and murder weapon. Case dismissed! See: Natalee HollowayThe Boy in the BoxLizzie Borden.

"Casey may have hated Cindy more than she loved Caylee" - Shirley Plesea, Casey's grandmother
5. Don't have an obvious motive. Legally, demonstrating a motive is not required to convict someone of murder. But golly, it helps! Jurors crave motive. Give 'em a jilted lover, a husband with a secret double life, a wackadoo with an overwhelming need to impress Jodie Foster. Anything. These murder motives are as old as they are vast. Every murder has a motive, even if the motive is simply the desire take a life. Commit a murder for reasons nobody can understand, and despite a mountain of evidence, a jury just doesn't want to convict.

"I am SUCH a good liar!"  
6. The Spaghetti Defense. Throw every conceivable defense against the wall and see what sticks. You only need one element to create one seed of doubt in one juror and presto! Not guilty. The "Follow the duct tape-She didn't do it-it was an accident-she wasn't there when the accident happened-her father found the body-the meter reader hid the body-the father disposed of the body the way he buried the family pets-she behaved inappropriately because her father molested her-she acted weird because her brother molested her-she lied because her dysfunctional family raised her to lie-the trunk smelled like decomposition because she kept garbage in her trunk-all the forensic science against her is "junk science"-she never made chloroform-her mother did the Internet searches for "chloroform"-she never touched the duct tape-her father is framing her-REASONABLE DOUBT LIVES HERE..." is the new "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

P.S. Thank you, Nancy Grace for speculating that Casey Anthony spends her money on "cases of beer and push-up bras". "Cases of beer and push-up bras" is the new "Booze and hot pants!"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Robinson is 11.5 Months Old!

The title of this post is...accurate. My baby turned 11 months old two weeks ago...which means I'm going to publish this 11 month picture and then turn around and publish his 12 month picture...then there will be no more monthly Laney pictures! Methinks Laney will not protest this.

I love this picture, but it's low resolution since Steve took the picture with a camera phone while my camera and I were vacationing with friends in Florida. I've spent months working on a Shutterfly photo book that will be Robinson's baby book, and each month features a full-page "Laney pic". This picture is too grainy for that, which is a shame. I can either use it anyway or take another picture now. At 11.5 months of age. Having already had his first hair cut (more on that in another post--ugh). So...I love this picture, but now I have to have a do-over for the baby book. On the bright side, if this is my biggest problem...well, life is good!

Letting Go of the Casey Anthony Trial

Allow me the next few posts to decompress. The Casey Anthony trial has consumed my days for the past seven weeks, and I'm not thrilled with the outcome. I watched every day of the trial, except when I was on vacation. Then I stayed informed by following @VinniePolitan on Twitter. Yeah. I'm that girl.

Convinced of Casey's guilt three years ago, I made the decision to view the trial through the eyes of a juror. That is, I set aside my prior knowledge of the case.  I wanted to see if I would find her guilty based only on what was presented at trial. Also, it's a terrible thing to murder one's child; it wouldn't be so horrible if compelling evidence exists proving a young mother didn't kill her child. I would have loved to be proven wrong.

By the time closing arguments concluded, I felt confident the state had proven it's case and that Casey Anthony had murdered her daughter. I believed this beyond a reasonable doubt. I predicted she would be convicted of the lesser charge of manslaughter, (a compromise among the jury perhaps?) and she would ultimately serve five to fifteen years in prison. It would appear that what I know about the American justice system can fit in the palm of my hand.

Before I sum up my thoughts on this trial, I'd like to acknowledge the judge and attorneys. I'll miss Judge Perry most of all...
Judge Belvin Perry is an extraordinary man. He is smart, he keeps the trial running smoothly, the circus antics were at a minimum, and as characters go, he possessed this quiet charm and reminded me of a cross between Cliff Huxtable and Stanley from The Office. When he gets angry, he speaks slowly, draws out certain words, and punches the occasional word up as he bounces in his seat. Kind of the way Cliff Huxtable would talk when admonishing Theo or Vanessa for being sassy. Also, not to diminish His Honor (because I do respect him), he has adorable facial expressions:
"Do you know what would have happened, sir, if some of the members of the jury had seen...you...extending...your...middle...finger...of affection to Mr. Ashton?"

That was when he was addressing 28-year-old TGI Friday's server Matthew Bartlett, sentenced to six days in jail for contempt of court after he made an obscene gesture in court. That was an unexpected treat. You can view a video summary here.

Assistant State Attorneys Jeff Ashton and Linda Drane-Burdick were like a real life DA Jack McCoy and Serena Southerlyn from Law & Order

This was Jeff Ashton's final trial before retiring (what a way to go). I am in awe of the fabulous Linda Drane-Burdick. I think even Jose Baez was impressed with her. I would observe them during sidebars and recesses, and they appeared to have a camaraderie.
There was almost a Sam and Diane kind of tension and chemistry. I said almost. He's totesbuying her a cocktail after this.
I was astounded by the seeming incompetence of Jose Baez. I felt he was in over his head. I wondered if he purchased his law degree at a strip mall. At one point in the trial, he had to object to himself, and ask that his own line of questioning be stricken from the record because he lost his way and was asking the wrong questions. Yeah. That happened. Within a week or two of the trial, I was convinced that Casey would be convicted, and that she would be granted a new trial on the basis of ineffective counsel. I wondered if that was Jose's strategy. That's how bad I thought he was. It was like she was being defended by My Cousin Vinny. 
And, in the end, the trial kind of did mirror the movie. Just like Vinny, Jose won. (Oops, I should have warned: Spoiler!)

So...we can talk about how there is no justice for Caylee. We can quip that murder is legal in Florida. I would submit that murder isn't legal in Florida, but that one can get away with murder, if one takes the proper steps and selects a jury that is willing to laugh in the face of common sense.

We can criticize the jurors:
  • A couple have less than a 12th grade education. 
  • At least four of them are childless (I would offer that childless people are less judgmental of others' parenting skills. I know I was.)
  • At least two have been arrested at some time
  • One didn't want to be on the jury because she "doesn't like to judge people"
  • One believes strongly in "second chances", having a sister who once tied up their father and robbed him. 
  • One of them has big plans involving a cruise ship that would be ruined if this trial didn't end soon
It's been said that "a jury of our peers" is in actuality a group of people "too stupid to get out of jury duty." My mom has served on a jury. I would willingly serve, but I've never been summoned. Steve has avoided jury duty by never registering to vote, which until recently was the only way names were submitted to the jury pool. I have friends who have been summoned to jury duty and done everything, up to and including telling a group of African American attorneys that she is a racist in order to be excused from serving as a juror in what promised to be a lengthy trial. For the record, my friend doesn't have a problem with black people. She has a problem with fulfilling her civic duties.

Getting back to this jury, here is my summary of all of the evidence that the prosecution presented with expert testimony that these twelve jurors had to unanimously disregard in order to come to a verdict of "Not Guilty":

  1. For 31 days, Casey told her mother Cindy that she and Caylee were travelling to various areas of Florida on business (she didn't have a job) with a babysitter, a co-worker, a potential love interest, and other children (all of whom don't exist).
  2. Casey is seen on surveillance video at Blockbuster video acting "normal" and "happy" renting movies with her boyfriend on the day Caylee died.
  3. Casey shacked with her boyfriend, partied, participated in a "hot body" contest, and got a tattoo on her shoulder that says "Bella Vita" ("the beautiful life") during the 31 days Caylee wasn't reported missing. 
  4. Casey accused "Zanny" the nanny of kidnapping Caylee. Zanny does not exist.
  5. Google searches for "how to make chloroform", "neck breaking", and other diabolical searches were found on the hard drive of the Anthony home computer at a time when only Casey was home. 
  6. Traces of chloroform were found in the trunk of Casey's car
  7. The smell of human decomposition was recognized by many members of law enforcement, crime scene investigators, forensic experts, and Casey's own parents.
  8. A hair containing Caylee's mitochondrial DNA that featured a "death band", a characteristic only found in hair shed from a dead body, was found in Casey's trunk
  9. One or two days after Caylee's death, a neighbor witnessed Casey back her car into the garage (something he'd never seen her do before) and ask him to borrow a shovel.
  10. Caylee's skeletal remains were found in the Anthony neighborhood, a quarter-mile from their home. The skull was found with duct tape over the mouth. The duct tape was from an uncommon tape manufacturer consistent with a roll in the Anthony's home. 
  11. Caylee's body was inside a trash bag that was inside a laundry bag that coordinated with another laundry bag in the Anthony home, with clothing Casey had dressed her in but Cindy had never seen before, and a Winnie the Pooh blanket from Caylee's bedroom.
  12. A crime scene investigator observed adhesive residue in the shape of a heart on the duct tape, indicating that somebody placed a heart-shaped sticker over Caylee's mouth.
  13. The medical examiner testified that in the case of accidental drownings (which the defense maintained was the cause of Caylee's death) family members do not conceal the accident to make it appear to be a murder. At no time is it appropriate to place duct tape on a child's face.
Ok, so obviously that is not all of the evidence that the state presented against Casey Anthony, but this is the bulk of what I considered to be damning evidence. In fact, when discussing the case with my mom, I said that I would be willing to indulge the Defense and cast aside over half of this evidence and I would still come to a conclusion of guilt. Forget the sticker, forget the shovel, forget the computer searches. I believed there was duct tape on Caylee's mouth, that she was tossed in the swamp with items from the Anthony home, and that prior to being dumped in the swamp she spent time in Casey's trunk. I felt she could easily be convicted of manslaughter. Obviously the jury saw something I didn't.

Just to reiterate: ALL TWELVE JURORS had to disregard all thirteen facts I listed above in order to find Casey not guilty. ALL THIRTEEN!

Ok, so that's my summary of the key players and the evidence. Next we'll explore the steps one might take to get away with murder like Casey Anthony did.


*totes is short for totally. I like to occasionally toss in some fresh slang terms the kids are using. You know, to help my blog appeal to a hip young audience.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Far Behind

I have all but abandoned blogging in recent weeks, which was noticed by exactly no one. I feel the need to acknowledge my lapse in postings just the same. It feels awkward to resume blogging as if no time has passed and there has been no absence. Also, my writing muscles are so rusty, I feel like I need to take an English Composition course. Consider this my awkward attempt at a segue.

I have neglected my blog terribly over the past couple of months. I've neglected my diet and exercise regimen as well. But I haven't neglected my child, so let's be glad for that! I've been travelling and on vacation, and have eaten so much fried crap over the past couple weeks, I confessed to my pal Amy that I feel as though I've got bacon grease running through my veins and that I've been carved out of dough. She suggested I try the Paleo diet to jump start my weight loss. No carbs, no sugar, no dairy, no joy. But the occasional shot of vodka. This diet may be good for my blog as well as my waistline. I can write during the time I would have spent eating bread. And maybe my writing will be more colorful because I could be a little bit drunk.

Although my life has been eventful enough over the past month to inspire plenty of posts, I didn't have the opportunity to write about the events as they were happening. Time is the enemy of this blogger. I need to write about things immediately. I don't know if I can muster the enthusiasm or carve out the time to write about things that happened weeks ago. But I'll try. In the mean time, I'll attempt to get back on track with the blogging from this moment forward.

As I'm typing this, I'm hearing from Vinnie Politan that the Casey Anthony jury has reached a verdict, which will be read in open court at 2:15PM Eastern time. So, whoever chose 10 hours 40 minutes of jury deliberation in their Verdict Watch pool (don't act like you didn't make a wager) is the winner. I had predicted that deliberations would last longer than 8 hours but would conclude before the end of the second day. So I was right. Better find a TV (tune into HLN or TruTv) and if you're at work, check out streaming video at the Orlando Sentinel site.